Friday, June 30, 2006

Breaking News

Police are on the hunt for a man who robbed a bank in Van Nuys, California this afternoon.

Witnesses say that the suspect, who's description matched nearly 16 million men living in Los Angeles, simulated a handgun in his pocket in order to get the teller to hand over an estimated $1,000. Upon further investigation police later discovered a prescription bottle of Viagra on the floor of the bank with Rush Limbaughs name on it. Authorities believe it fell out of the suspects pocket while he was fleeing so he may not be armed with a gun but should still be considered horny and dangerous.

He was last seen leaving the area in a taxi cab and police fear they will never recover the money due to increased cab fares.

Anyone who sees the suspect should use extreme caution and avoid contact if they are not in possession of a condom because according to the pill maker, this man could be fully loaded and ready to shoot for up to eight hours.

***Viagra: See post titled 'Penile Code Enforced'

Sex Toy Can Literally Be Used Against You In A Court Of Law

A judge in Oklahoma denies he was using a penis pump while fulfilling his judicial responsibilities during trials.

Donald Thompson, 59, was found guilty on four counts of indecent exposure and will now face a prison sentence and a huge fine.

A witness subpoenaed to testify against him said she heard an oh-so-familiar buzzing sound during hearings and eventually traced the sound to the judge.

She said if she'd known something like that was permissible in a court of law she would have strapped on her Venis Butterfly and joined the party.

Jury members at the trial were hard pressed to keep a straight face during testimony. One civic minded juror eventually couldn't hold back and decided to share his thoughts with those in the courtroom.

"If you'd a kept a can a Coke 'er Pepsi under that there desk you wouldn't be in all this trouble now cause all you'd be guilty of is bein a soda jerker."

Bin Ladin Wants A Stiff One

Federal officials released new information about the content of Osama bin Ladin's latest 19-minute taped message received by President Bush.

After countless hours of verifying that the voice was truely that of bin Ladin, officials said the message was clear and simple--bin Ladin wants his bitch back even though he's dead.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, one of the highest ranking terrorist leaders in Iraq was killed earlier this month after two 500-pound American bombs hit the compound where he had retreated because of a domestic spat with bin Ladin. Rumors of their unusual relationship had been spreading since the onset of the war after the two had been spotted together sharing drinks at several local bars but officials would neither confirm or deny that the two men had been playing house.

In a statement to the press, Bin Ladin would only state that he was very upset by the ugly turn of events during their brief seperation.

"It's very painful for me because we usually tried to get bombed together."

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Monks Are Mum On July 4 Celebration

Los Angeles city officials have nixed a plan to use employees of Hooters restaurant at an event to raise money to help pay for the cost of neutering pets at local animal shelters.

The event scheduled for July 13 would have required the restaurants shapely female employees to participate in a bikini contest, which many officials rumored to be mostly women, thought was simply just another lame assed way to degrade women.

The event originally pegged as 'Hooters For Neuters' has been changed thanks in part to an unidentified local all male monastery who have booked them for their summer pick me up party.

The new event renamed appropriately "NEUTERS FOR HOOTERS" has been rescheduled for July 4th and will include the bikini contest, a wet T-shirt contest, as well as a workout contest.

Dingo Piss Expected To Improve Environment

In Australia recently scientists have found a way to protect and reestablish devastated ecological environments by using Dingo pee.

Tests prove that even the wildest kangaroos were petrified of the unusal odor and environmentalists are hoping to use it to set boundries around devastated mine sites that have been ravaged by these pesky gluttonous critters.

"We know it works and are in the process of trying to figure out how to get the dingo's to give us their pee," said one researcher. "Among other urine trapping methods we are considering installing realistic fire hydrants that have a capture system at their base."

The company set to market this new pest deterent, Pissed Off, is set to go public sometime in the next year.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Penile Code Enforced After Officials Discover Illegal Viagra

Rush Limbaugh was taken into custody for illegal possession of sexual stimulants this week.

Officials claim that they responded to a report of a man walking around the airport with a hard on. They say that although this phenonema is not unusal after a long flight, public displays like this cannot be tolerated.

Mr. Limbaugh, travelling with the little blue prescription pills labeled under a psuedenom, said he feels this kind of invasion of privacy is not only an insult to every erectile deficient male in the worl--it's just plain stupid.

"I've had to live in hiding for so many years and 'Little Rush' has been acting like a scared turtle ever since," Limbaugh said. "I think it's only fair that since people are no longer actively looking to hunt me down and kill me, it's only reasonable that I cut him a little slack."

While officials would not comment further on the arrest one recently organized Viagra consumer group, Raise It Up, said they plan to gather and protest outside the airport this week in hopes of bringing public awareness to this growing problem.

"Why does everyone have to always pick on the 'little' guy?" said a spokesman for the organization. "If the judge hands down a stiff sentence, we want Mr. Limbaugh to know that we are there to raise more than an eyebrow to support his cause."

Marketing Experts Agree...Women Are Shunned At Sporting Events

Sporting events such as the recent soccer games offered advertisers an opportunity to maximize their product visibility to a huge audience of beer guzzling, chip dipping, pizza eating men, but some say they are missing the boat when it comes to the female audience.

Female consumers were offered romantic getaways assuming this would strike a cord with them but many feel they were thrown in as an after thought.

"They think we all just sit around reading romance novels while we wait for our knight in shining armor to appear during commercial breaks, well they're dead wrong," said one disappointed female viewer whose tight black tank top revealed a plethora of cleavage amid several colorful tattoos. "Although some of the commercials, especially the ones with the girls strutting around in bikinis were appealing to me, there was a huge opportunity to include more products that females are familiar with."

Topping the list of ads women missed most are as follows:

1. Hair removal systems that do not require hot wax.
2. 2-Minute hair color that eliminates gray hair.
3. The Eveready Bunny whose batteries power up most...Err...Personal' toys.
4. Mosquito repellent that does not smell like the great outdoors or their spouses deodorant.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Alternatives To Greenhouse Gas Stinks

Court officials announced today they are looking into ways to curb the affects of Greenhouse Gas.

"We've tried to address this significant issue but have fallen short of our goal over the years," one official said. "We want to end this problem once and for all."

One measure expected to be implemented as early as next month is to issue signs to every greenhouse owner across the U.S. that states clearly to all employees that it is never okay to fart inside these delicate glass buildings.

For most of these small business owners it will eliminate or reduce tensions between employers and staff by putting the onus on employees--forcing them to manage their flatulence or risk losing their job.

"It's about time the government finally did something about this because some days the smell is so pungent, and I'm not talking about the flower fragrance, it makes you want to just turn around and go home," one owner said. "We're hoping this will really put the pressure on our employees to get their butts outside when they feel the urge to let one rip."

Employees, however, feel much differently about the issue.

"There was never a discussion about this when I was hired and I think it's unfair to ask us to keep stepping outside. Every moment we're not tending the plants it comes out of our pay," said one disgruntled employee. "Yeah it stinks, this whole thing stinks and I for one am not going to walk around all day with cramps because I may lose my job if I cut one."

School District To Implement Cell Phone Plan

Scientists have released a new study that says cell phone use stimulates the brain.

School officials across the nation put in an emergency funding request that would allow them to purchase a cell phone for every high school student in their districts.

"Students today are facing many obstacles such as keeping up with the high state standards, bad tenured teachers we can't get rid of, and a variety of other social issues including the increased use of marijuana," one official said. "We are hoping the phones stimulation will enhance the euphoria associated with pot smoking and in turn decrease the ever rising drop out rates every school across America is facing."

Funding this project will be an uphill battle however as top ranking government officals defend their position that money is better spent on bombs for foreign wars than raising a new generation of graduating students.

Fluff Debate Causes Obesely Different Opinions

The makers of FLUFF are claiming their sandwich spread does not promote obesity, unhealthy eating habits or tooth decay.

Some supporters are standing by the product maker hoping to elevate this white gooey sandwich spread, usually combined with peanut butter, to supreme status by making it part of their official 'State Sandwich'.

"Why the hell not, it's easy, the kids like it and it's fast," said one supporter whose own body fat was busting at the seams of her clothing. "This is a fast world with fast food and if you think I'm going to stand around and cook 'good-for-you' shit all day...well guess again...I don't have time for that."

While some school officials argue that these sandwiches promote better caloric intake for their students, others argue that students are fat enough and getting less exercise and adding this kind of food product as part of the school lunch program is insane.

One official said it is the wrong choice to offer children because they don't know any better.

"We've got a whole new generation sitting on their fat little asses in front of a television playing video games all day and here we are shoving this high calorie treat down their throat," she said. "If you look at some of these youngsters, the only thing that is toned on their body is their thumbs from using the game controlers and that's just wrong."

In 2005, statistics were released on this ever growing problem. 17.1% of children were determined to be obese and of those 13.9% were between the ages of 2 - 5 years old.

Websites have popped up all over the internet to help promote better eating habits to help offset the alarming statistics of obesity.

One such site claims you can lose 9 pound every 11 days.

To aide you in finding out whether or not you should slather on a little fluff or not you can calculate your Body Mass at the Center For Disease Controls website.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Man Faces 10 Years Of Hard Time

Officials awarded a handyman $400 thousand dollars in compensation for what some say may be the best or worst case scenario when it comes to 'hard' times.

A 10-year hard-on has led this man to live in solitude because he fears his constantly erect penis will be deemed offensive.

A local women's organization argues that this actually makes him the worlds perfect date and many are hoping that when the check clears he will come out of hiding and put his hard earned rewards to work.

Porn Stars, Plastics And Toys...Oh My!

This weekend the buzz word in Los Angeles is sexual satisfaction.

Organizers are expecting more than 50,000 curious or sexually frustrated visitors at this years Erotica Expo going on at the LA Convention Center in downtown Los Angeles.

"The place is literally buzzing with excitement," said one vendor who's booth was selling a new line of toys called 'Big Joe Loves Ya'.

There is something for everyone at this year's show including a vast array of new vibrators hitting the market boasting no color boundries, videos and even a hands on demonstration on the art of spanking.

While many are coming to gawk at the adult entertainment stars, others are there to pick up a few essentials.

"I'm single and tired of having to date just so that I can have sex," said one juicy looking consumer. "My mother always said 'don't ever leave yourself in the position of waiting for a man to do what you can do for yourself' and I've always lived my life believing in this philosophy."

She said she'd already purchased several items that promised the perfect orgasm and was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home...alone!

The event is running smoothly but organizers say they've had to bring in extra portable bathroom facilities in order to accomodate the amount of patrons who are spending an unusally long time in the facilities.

Friday, June 23, 2006


In Los Angeles weather casters are saying temperatures may spike upwards of 110 degrees this weekend.

Suggested remedies are to stay home, crank up the air conditioner and wait for the rolling blackouts to begin.

Airport Security In The Spotlight

Although most people who travel by plane have adjusted to the long security lines at airports across the country a report just released by Channel 4 news this morning regarding airport security measures says that access to areas that are supposedly off limits are far more accessible that what we are led to believe.

Airports around the country have been trying to beef up security since the U.S. was attacked by terrorists on 9/11 killing thousands of people but some terror sects are still finding a way to get past gates, guards and other measures set in place to eliminate such infiltration.

At New York's Kennedy airport today, it was reported that an individual, later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-gebra" movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value."

According to official reports this group uses secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but it has since been determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

When asked to comment on the arrest, the U.S. President would only say that "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes".

A trial date has been tentatively set for September.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Sex At 16 Okay'd Eh

Children in Canada are breathing a sigh of relief now that government officials have raised the age of sexual consent from the tender age of 14 to 16 years-old.

Officials say the reason behind such a bold move is because they believe this age group should be able to spell condom, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, chlamydia, abortion, sexual predator, immaturity, stupid, job and diapers before jumping into a sexual relationship.

One 11-year old girl, who spent countless hours lying about her age to make herself feel more important in this sexually charged world, became involved with a 44-year-old man over the internet. She said she is relieved now that someone has given her the tools and the law that will allow her to just say 'no' to his sexual advances without losing face or revealing her true age.

"Jack (not his real name) is always trying to get me to meet him in these really dark and dingy places and that scares me," she said hugging her blankie close to her chest. "I don't want anyone popping my bubble for a long time and this new law makes me feel it's okay to say no."

Still, the lure is out there in cyberworld, and many like this young child, are finding it more and more difficult to fend for themselves because they're afraid to talk to their parents about their stupid, stupid secret lives.

Local officials are hoping this will reverse the trend of teen applications for welfare that is currently draining the national budget.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

'High' Hopes For West Hollywood

People are flocking to West Hollywood, California to enjoy a 'pot-luck' experience now that city officials have gone public with their plan to make public consumption of marijuana a doable thing.

In a 'joint' effort, residents, city officials and police personnel got together to hammer out the terms under which this new policing policy would affect the area.

"All we're asking for is that law enforcement turn the other cheek when they see someone smoking a joint because we want our town to be mellow as hell," said one official. "Many of our citizens are already using this drug therapy for "medicinal" purposes and we don't want to force them to smoke behind closed doors because that creates a stigma that only furthers their esteem issues."

While critics argue that consumption of this drug induces laziness, lack of motivation and other such characteristics in certain individuals, others argue that it will bring a new element to the area--happy carefree citizens who are less phased by current war news, global warming, death by air pollution, and our current national government.

Officials are hoping that consumers will benefit the most, especially those who like to eat out.

"We are hoping that by allowing our residents to dope themselves in public it will help to revitalize the food service industry by adding new restaurants and fast food drive-thru services," officials said. "We've already been approached by several snack food companies who are hoping to open several shops along Santa Monica Boulevard, and we feel this will not only add to the ambiance of our quaint neighborhood it will also give a boost to cities revenues."

One young man who recently got wind of this new proposed law said this is good news.

"Whooooa duuuude, that's like really cool."

Mayors Message Not All That Clear

They Mayor of Hazleton, Pennsylvania, is apparently sending mixed messages to community members in trying to pass a new city ordinance called the "Illegal Immigration Relief Act".

While the message is clearly stated on the cities website in the form of a letter from the Mayor about what this action is indeed meant to do, rid the town of these pesky, leaching, crime inducing population, it became evident that many people in this small community of around 30,000 residents, especially those who do not own a computer nor attend political gatherings, continue to depend on hearsay for their local news.

Some residents along with several business owners said they are confused by this proposed legislation because to them it sounds like the Mayor is asking them to help illegal immigrants by providing some 'relief' to help alleviate some of their daily struggles.

One local woman jumped at the chance to reach out to her neighbors.

"When I heard about their plight and what the Mayor was trying to do, I got in the car, drove down to the grocery store and bought the family up the street a few bags of groceries because I know they've got it rough," she said. "Always on the run from the law, trying to get free medical attention and sending the kids off to these overcrowded schools here has got to be pretty draining so I think what the Mayor is doing is really a great idea."

One business owner even offered up his garage to a family of twelve and created several new positions in his company to accommodate these new employees.

"I thought it was the right thing to do considering how hard they have it," he said.

These acts of kindness were spreading rapidly throughout the entire city because word travels fast in a small town.

The Mayor's reaction was noted in the local newspaper.

Upon hearing the news that the townspeople were banding together to help the towns illegal population several witnesses say they saw the Mayor walk out of City Hall and begin banging his head against the wall.

Filed by JBLA/The Not-So News June 2006

Monday, June 19, 2006

Does This Coffee Make My Ass Look Fat?

Now that the skinny is out on just how fattening many coffee drinks are, health conscious advocates are going after coffee houses both locally and nationally in hopes of forcing them to cut all the bad shit out of their products.

The question is--will savvy frappachino consumers go after these big corporate coffee 'beaners' to help defray medical costs connected directly to their now obese fat asses due to the consumption of these fattening drinks?

One anonymous coffee addicted customer said she was unaware of what her thrice daily consumption was doing to her body until she accidentally caught a glimpse of her reflection in a plate glass window on her way to work.

"It was so unexpected and I can't seem to shake that lardy armed image out of my mind," she said. "My ass was as big as a barn door and no one said anything so I just kept on drinking--people can be so cruel."

She said this is forcing her to shell out the big bucks to hire a personal trainer in hopes of scaling down her ever growing, jelly like butt cheeks.

"I'm trying to cut back to just one of those drinks a day, but it's hard because it's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed," she said. "It's really depressing!"

Officials of the coffee industry deny that it is their responsibility to inform customers when they think they've had enough simply based on their appearance.

"If consumers are too stupid to figure out for themselves why they are constantly having to buy bigger and bigger clothes because they can't control their cravings, well I most certainly can't see them blaming anyone but themselves for their insatiable greed."

Filed by JBLA/The Not-So News June 2006

Mattel Inc. Strategizing Barbie Comeback...

Where is she now seems to be the question on peoples mind.

Immortalized over the years by millions of children, the once iconic doll has fallen on hard times, according to reports, but officials at Mattel Inc., are hoping that Chuck Scothon, recently hand selected to head up the girls division, will come up with a plan to revitalize Barbies comeback.

According to a report in the Los Angeles Times as many as 50 employees from the doll division have been sequestered in a hotel room somewhere in Anaheim for a 'brainstorming session' in hopes of coming up with some new ideas to lure customers back to the Barbie fold.

The doll, once a staple in every little girls room is rapidly losing her appeal with competitor brands such as the big headed Bratz Dolls, who are giving her a run for the money, as well as the trend that is shifting customers towards the electronic market at a much younger age.

Officials would not confirm or deny that the sagging sales were due in fact to a bout of depression Barbie fell victim to after she and long time beau, Ken, parted ways a few years ago citing irreconcilable differences.

Rumors began spreading rapidly after their breakup became public knowledge.

Some folks swear they saw her living out of her bashed up corvette in an alley way in South Central Los Angeles, while others swore they'd seen her emerging dirty and disheveled from various homeless shelters across the Southland.

One 13-year-old who cannot be identified because she is a minor said that she caught a glimpse of Barbie down near the boardwalk in Venice while walking home late one afternoon last month.

"My friend and I were shocked when we came across her RV," the young girl said. "I thought she was still making millions of dollars. It's kind of sad because she looked tired and haggard, like she hadn't eaten or taken a shower in a long time."

She said that when they approached the dirty little doll she bolted and locked herself inside the trailer and would not respond to their offer of help.

"I felt really bad just leaving her out there like that but my mom always told me that you can only help those who wants to be helped," the young girl said with tears running down her cheeks. "Every so often my friend and I go back there and leave a little basket filled with basic necessities like shampoo and soap and clean towels."

Attempts to reach Ken for comment were all directed to his publicist who would only state that Ken was on an extended yachting trip with his life partner and would not be available for comment until sometime next fall.

Report filed by JBLA/The Not-So News June 2006

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Denim Thieves Rip Retailers A New One...

A recent rash a burglaries have local police on the lookout for what they are describing as a pack of well-dressed high faluttin hipsters, who would do anything to get their hands on some of the hot new, sexy, ass enhancing, jewel studded, usually too long in the leg overpriced designer jeans flooding the market.

Several smaller boutiques across the Southland have suffered losses up into the thousands of dollars and are now going after designers for compensation not only to reimburse the loss of these prized jeans, they are also hoping to recoup the costs of broken windows, door lock repairs and other precautionary measures they're having to implement in order to protect their merchandise.

One local retailer who did not want her name in print said that customers are feeling the pinch when it comes to purchasing blue jeans.

"It's like, Oh-My-God. Everyday when I'm on the sales floor I hear people talking and like they can't believe the price of some of these designer jeans," she said. "They like know their being ripped off and like sometimes they even break down and cry because they know that their super-store jeans, you know, the ones that are like $29.99 are holding them back from a better life...It's like really sick."

She said their retail store has had to invest in a burglar proof jean vault so they can store their denim merchandise during the hours the store is closed.

"It like really pisses me off because like I work hard all day and like now I have this other thing to do at night before I close shop and like go home," she said. "It's like really sick that I should have to do that extra work."

Several stores I visited for this report told the same story. Sidewalks were lined with women and even a few men who were reduced to tears because they were unable to buy even one pair of jeans now that prices have soared upwards of $300 a pair.

"I've struggled my whole life to be hip but because all the really great jeans are priced so high I'll never be among the hippest of the hip," one woman said.

The struggle to achieve fashion superiority has become a priority for some.

At a trendy store on Melrose Avenue in Hollywood I spotted a woman in her late 20's emerging with a victorious smile on her lips and several bags in her hand. She said that being a single mother of four it was important that she look stylish in order to attract a nice wealthy man who would hopefully fall madly in love with her, marry her and take care of her and her children for the rest of their lives.

"I simply tell the kids two nights a week that they won't be having dinner so that I can stretch my welfare check far enough to be able to have the money to buy jeans," she said. "I don't want my children looking at me and thinking that I look like a slob because that will send the message that there might be a chance they'll never have a father again."

Denim manufacturers deny they are ripping off consumers, claiming it takes a substantial amount of money to outsource and open up sweatshops in foreign countries.

"Although we don't pay high wages to these poor bastards who are willing to work 16 to 20 hours a day for mere pennies, the real estate market has forced us to raise the price of a bolt of denim," said a spokesman for the denim industry. "We need to cram as many people into these buildings as we can to keep profits up so we have no choice but to continuously expand our facilities."

Local government agencies have begun to utilize the Los Angeles Fashion Police to see if this overpriced market will continue to rise.

"We're hoping to nip this trend in the butt because many residents fear that this ridiculous price trend will force a whole new society to emerge, one that will all be wearing khaki all day, every day, and we just don't want to see that happen," said a spokesman for the LAFP.

Police are asking for the publics help in solving this alarmingly new crime wave.

"If you see anyone wearing jeans that they would not ordinarily be wearing we want you to contact us as soon as possible at 1 (800) RIP-T0FF," said Officer Denim. "We suggest you do not approach these suspects directly as hippness often causes aggression and we want as few people hurt as possible."

Report filed by JBLA/The Not-So News June 2006

Saturday, June 17, 2006

20-Year-Old Saved From Life Sentence...

In the UK, a 20 year old man, plead not guilty to a case involving a woman who was eight months pregnant, who claimed that the man frightened the shit out of her while riding a public bus.

The judge allowed the defendant to speak openly about the case in his own defense.

The young man stated he was only guilty of being amused.

"Well, your honor, when the lady got on the bus I couldn't help notice her condition and when she sat down under a sign that said 'The Double Mints Are Coming' it made me grin," the young defendant said calmly.

"Then what happened?" the judge asked.

"She got up and moved sitting under another sign that said 'Logan's Linament will reduce the swelling' and that made me smile," the young man replied.

"Go on," the judge said beginning to be amused himself.

"I guess she got scared and moved to another seat and when I read the sign above her, an ad for a deoderant company 'Williams Big Stick Did The Trick' I could hardly contain myself," the defendant replied.

At this point it was reported that the judge covered his mouth with his hand to conceal his own broadening grin. He then cleared his throat and asked the man to continue.

"Your honor, when she moved again and sat under a sign that said 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident' I just lost it."

The judge trying to keep his composure quicky picked up the gavel and slammed it into the desk.

"Case dismissed!"

According to reports, the embarrassed woman rushed from the courtroom just as the entire crowd bust into laughter.

Filed by JBLA for The Not-So News/June 2006

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The News That Could Be...

this is an audio post - click to play

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Oh Crap...

First it was terrorists hoping to take a shot at politicos and major institutions in Ontario, Canada, now the shitty Canadian geese are forming their own terrorits sects by 'fowling' up the ecological well- being of some of America's watersheds, mainly up and around Lake Tahoe.

All these years we were led to believe that these 'shitty' little creatures (as lovely to look at as a great ass) were simply trying to get away from the butt-ass cold on the east coast, when in fact, it may be Canada's way of launching an attack on their neighbor.

No one would suspect this type of crappy behavior from an otherwise neutral country, but science is likely to prove that this type of behavior often goes unnoticed until the shit hits the fan!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Reporter At Large...

After checking out Good Night Burbank, the new video stream news web broadcast,( I think I've finally found my true calling--live news right from the scene delivered in a truthful and timely fashion.

The news that tickles, bothers and excites is where I want to be. Anecdotal leads will no longer be of my utmost concern because a picture speaks a thousand words.

As a reporter at large I will spend the next few weeks searching for oddities to record and report in hopes that someone out there will notice that my talent for hunting down breaking news is not in vain.

No one will be safe, civilian or otherwise! So for all you unlikely suspects out there, be careful what you say because it will be used against you in the blog world whether you like it or not.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Is This A Sign Or What???

Are those astrological guides trying to tell me something? EGADS!!!!!


Those responsibilities sure feel heavy right now, but people are counting on you to assume a certain role.

While you're not totally willing, keep in mind that you are absolutely the best person for this job.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Faaaacking EH!

Terrorists in Toronto! Egads!!!

Neutrality amid the global choas has finally caught up with the country of peace.

Thanks to those pony jockey's [RCMP] in red as well as the underworld crime busters, a plot to blow up Toronto or parts thereof has been thwarted, this according to a breaking news story.
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