THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: February 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Today Was...

just another day, although while running an out of town guest into the heart of Hollywood in seach of souvenirs for her children back in Cleveland, I did get an up close preview of the red carpet area in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood as they began setting up for Sunday nights Academy Awards show.

Streets blocked off in Hollywood is always bad news but somehow, with the imminent excitement lingering in the air, no one seemed to mind too much even though the detours were somewhat annoying and parking was at a premium. Of course, that was my perspective at 1 p.m. this afternoon. I'm sure those poor commuters stuck in the later hours, our world famous 'four hour' rush hour, would most likely want to rip me a new asshole for saying that such a blockage was 'okay'at any time of day in this lovely congested city.

But, it seems no matter how much aggravation it causes to many, the Hollywood elite such as they are, are entitled to this upcoming extravaganza. Hollywoods finest moment so to speak.

As the workers ran around erecting lights, hoisting posters and putting up barriers to keep out the unwanted gate crashers, you could almost imagine the long line of limos waiting patiently to disperse their cargo near the carpet and the papparatzi.

You've got to wonder what the stars are talking about during their slow ascent towards the front of the line. Personaly. I think they're either cursing out their driver for taking so long or adjusting their breasts so they don't pop out of whatever designer concoction they're wearing. And of course in light of this years mega hit 'Brokeback Mountain', that comment stands for the men as well.

If you closed your eyes you could almost hear the roar of the crowd for a favorite star or a dress to die for. There was definitely something magical in the air as the tent went up (in case of rain) and the bleacher seating began to grow.

Although the corner of Hollywood and Highland has fallen to the same depths of decay as the rest of the area, this one night of glitter and glamour, this illusion masterminded by set designers to keep the vision of the glory days of Hollywood alive, may very well be worth the multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars spent to host this yearly event.

Will I be anywhere near that corner on Sunday night? Not a chance in hell. As a matter of fact I'm headed in the opposite direction to take part in an illegal $5 pool among friends as to who will take home an Oscar this year. For me this is always an adventure, a guessing game, because I never see most of the films before hand. As to what I plan to do with all my winnings (LOL) I'll have to really look hard to see what I can come up with that costs under $40!

Friday, February 24, 2006

A Guy Goes Into A Bar...

He sits down and orders a drink.

He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say, "Wow! You look great tonight!"

The man looks over at the bartender, who seems to ignore the voice.

The man keeps drinking and eating beer nuts until he hears something again.

"That's an awesome shirt! You are amazing."

The guy looks around and he's the only one in the place, so he asks the bartender if he had heard anything and the bartender asks, "Was the voice saying bad things or good things?"

The man replies, "Good things, why?"

The bartender says, "It must be the complimentary nuts."

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

It Takes Two To Tango...

Relationships are like a box of chocolates because you never know what you're going to get, that is according to Forrest Gump.

But does it always have to be?

There are choices when selecting these intimate delicacies. You can pick the ones with the nuts...or the ones without. That is how you put yourself in charge.

As in relationships, if you pick the ones with the nuts, you know that although the chocolate will always melt in your mouth the nut is sometimes hard to swallow but if you always pick the solid chocolate there will never be any surprises.

The real delimna is deciding whether or not you are willing to chance the surprises or always take the safe route.

Taking a chance in like/love means that you are the nut kind of person. Always open to late night calls, made or recieved, a late night knock on the door for an unexpected tryst, maybe even a little love note left on a car windshield signed by an annonymous amour. The little things we like to call them.

Sometimes it means doing the unexpected at the most unlikely time even if it takes a deep breath to settle your stomach before making any kind of grand gesture.

But, in relationships, it truely takes two to tango. No one likes to stand in the middle of the room dancing alone when your partner is close enough to grab you by the waist and twirl you about even if it makes you look like a fool. It's always the thing that makes the dance worth repeating.

So...whether you're a nut or solid chocolate is the only thing you have to decide when the dance begins. Are you a sitter or twirler you might ask yourself? Are you willing to bite into the nut, possibly breaking a tooth, or are you the type to play it safe and only indulge in the smooth melted liquid that offers no challenge?

So here what you do. The next time you're at the counter deciding which way to go, nut or not, try letting your heart make the choice. You might just surprise yourself by throwing caution to the wind and indulge in something unfamiliar, at least one time. definately takes two to tango!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Blog, Blog, Blog...

Very similar to Blah, Blah, Blah...

This weather has gotten me down. As a matter of fact it sucks! It's gray and dull and cold and, put simply, it's put me in a funk. I have one black and white shot left in the old Holga until I go back to the store so I've decided to save it in the event something supernatural happens.

So instead of a photo I thought I'd tell you about a seminar I attended this week. It was the first of a 12 week Journaling course offered by a therapist/author.

Many of those who attended have been doing this for as many as ten years, citing that it allows them to put the focus on their life, not as a mother, father, brother or sister. One woman told me that it's the only time she can get in touch with her real feelings when life is too chaotic to handle.

Our first assignment was to sit in silence and let our bodies relax while thinking about where our spirit was at present.

I, being the sot that I am, figured she was referring to the bottle of tequila I have in the cupboard above the fridge, so I was pretty smitten with myself.

Of course I was completely wrong about which spirit she was referring too so I had to really concentrate on how I was feeling about my inner self.

Trying to slow down a brain like mine usually takes the other kind of spirit (tequila) so I found this to be an incredibly difficult exercise.

I sat back, well, as far back as you can on an ottoman and closed my eyes hoping the darkness of my closed lids would hide all the thoughts racing through my mind. After all, even though I was invited to join this group, to participate as much as I wanted to, I was still there as a professional journalist. (Not the find your inner child and heal it kind of journaler)

Our fearless leader rang these two little bells together and, although it symbolized the silence we were supposed to be experiencing, it set my mind ablaze.

For me it was like somebody pulled the trigger, which opened the gates to let the horses on to the track at break neck speed. I kept peeking with one eye to see what the rest of the group was doing and they all seemed to be in this wonderful trance like state. Try as I might I couldn't stop fidgeting.

I knew we were going to have to write something about where we were in life, how we were really feeling about ourselves, but all I could think of was everything else I had to do for the rest of the day.

After hearing someone rustling paper about I opened my eyes and realized that some of the attendee's were beginning to journal.

I could feel my spirit lift because now I actually had something to do with my hands.

I too started to write and this is what came out:

The silence is unspoken on lips
But it moves one hundred miles per hour
One hundred images at a time
One hundred things to be done.

Don't listen to the silence
When all I want to do is scream
That I have one hundred more things to do today.

It's too hard to be silent
It's not what people expect of me
With a mouth that's usually flapping
One hundred miles an hour.

Lower your shoulders I tell myself
I have laundry to do
Let the breath fill your belly
That grumbles with hunger
Because I forgot to eat.

Turn in a story, start another
It's not what I wish
It's what's expected.

Time is usually never mine
By those who expect more
Always more.

Sitting in this silence
Makes me CRAZY!

What's next
I want to ask

Hold your tongue
It's not my place to speak
I am participating as an observer
But trying to do the work

One hundred miles per hour
On full throttle

I close my eyes
Look for the break peddle
But there isn't one
There never has been

I guess if I had a drink
I might feel calmer
But maybe not
Guess it's just my ADD mind
Doing what it always does
Racing from thing to thing
At the speed of light.


I suppose this would suggest that I did not do a good job of getting in touch with my spirit, especially after hearing the other people read what they'd written.

Listening to them speak honestly about how certain events in their lives have left them high or low was almost like sneaking a peek through a keyhole.

All in all the experience was worth the visit. Can't say for sure whether I can attend the next eleven meetings unless I can somehow make my brain focus and get out of these get togethers what I'm supposed to.

(Maybe I'll toss one down before I go, although, 9:30 a.m. is a little early to imbibe.)

I'll keep you posted...but...right now I have a story to finish and another load of laundry to throw in!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Winning Face...

Oh sweet victory!

As the hands unfold on the computer screen, the fact that PB was holding pocket aces, left him in a gleefull mood.

"Go on, raise me you bastards," comes ringing throughout the house from the office. "Let me see what you got beatch."

Of course there are many days where the profanity is enough to take the paint off the walls, this was a good day.

Hand after hand, the man was hot.

Each time the pot slides to where he sits on the screen, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman with very large breasts, the character that portrays him sits calmly unaware of the chaos off screen.

It is for this very reason there will never be a live cam hooked up to any of our computers!

Monday, February 13, 2006

All Quiet On The Homefront...

P-issy Assed
R-est In Peace



Sunday, February 12, 2006

Small Dose Of Humor...

What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?

"Hey ya'll...Watch this"

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Out Of My Bloggin Mind...

Another day without being able to post photos. I put the hammer away because it was in my best interest not to kill my laptop, too many things still in the hard drive that I need to access.

If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that what little computer savey I have, at least I thought I had, has completely gone down the toilet leaving me frustrated and hateful of the little white beast.

I have to ask though, why does a computer do something you want it to for so long, then leave you in the dust by not doing it anymore. Nothing has changed except its attitude and its willingness to accomodate what I want it to do.

Oh Well!!!!

Guess I'll just have to dazzle you with my words for awhile till I sort this out.

(I couldn't help but notice there were no comments on my last post. I have to wonder if you were left breathless or just too embarrassed to admit you read it.)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Death By Hammer...

I've just about had it now with this computer SHITE!

The hammer is on the desk and I can't decide whether to use it on my laptop or the modem, but, I'm thinking they both deserve a good whacking.

Speaking of whacking, I've garnered some interest in a book I've been working on. Since I can't post photo's I figured I would taunt you with an excerpt from one of my stories.

(Excerpt from "The Resort")

**NOTE: I have only posted that of which I hope will not offend anyone. If you should feel your excitment rising go with the flow or just close the window)

The plane landed and as he walked down the steps to the tarmac he could feel the heat and the breeze off the ocean. The smell of exotic flowers drifted through the air and he breathed it in, filling his lungs with this sweet aroma.

As he entered the terminal a tall, lithe, stunningly beautiful dark haired girl, most likely in her late twenties, walked straight up to him and kissed him on the lips. It happened so fast he couldn’t even react. She had come to escort him to the resort and explained to him that she would be his ‘personal assistant’ for the duration of his stay. He followed her out of the building to a slick looking fiery red convertible parked at the curb.

She knew who he was from their background check. Anyone coming into the resort was run through a computer check for security reasons and then scrutinized by a committee. Although he was not their ideal candidate they had made an exception for him because of his friend Derek’s recommendation.

Normally they tried not to cater to those in the law business for various reasons but she had been part of the decision committee this time and she liked how he looked in the photo she’d been faxed. She’d also decided to make him her personal assignment.

As they drove, she explained to him that she would be there to serve him day and night should he wish for anything. For the extra money he’d paid for the room, he’d expected some perks, but he’d never anticipated this.

He looked at her as she drove. Her skin was golden from the sun. Her long dark hair blew around her face and every so often she lifted her hand to brush it back so she could see the road. Her eyes were hidden behind the dark sunglasses she wore. Her lips were painted a pale shade of pink. Her breasts were barely concealed in the little top she wore and he could see that her nipples were hard under the thin layer of material. If he’d had a few more drinks on the plane he might very well have reached over and caressed them as they cruised along the coastline.

What he didn’t know was that she would have enjoyed it if he did. The skirt she had on, short as it was, had slid up over her thighs as she moved her foot from the gas to the brake peddle. Her legs were spread just enough that he could see she was not wearing underwear. He felt his...

Okay, this is where you have to let your imagination kick in. For the rest of the story you'll just have to wait for the book to come out.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Screw Computers....

As much as I am embedded with my technological friend I curse it at the top of my lungs. What once was allowing me to post photos is betraying me in my pursuit of competition.


Your guess is as good as mine. Days have past that my laptop will not go on line. I'm sure you wonder why I can post this but I assure you my desktop will not allow me to upload photos. Instead it shuts down dead when I hit the button.

I have several photos backing up to post if and when I can get the beast working. Until then I cannot in good faith write much more than this apology.

Till the day I can post I bid you adieu!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

No Pics...Just A Note

There is nothing more horrid than when my modem turns on me. I have been trying to post pictures but have failed royally for the past few days!

I ask myself why?

Is it because my son asked me not to post his picture?

Is that why the modem has betrayed me after all this time?

Or, am I just so inept at computer technology that I am doing something wrong? (even though I have done the same thing to switch computers since I started blogging)

One has to wonder if the universe it telling me something! Should I be wasting my time trying to fill the pages of this blog or should I be working on my book? HMMMMM???

I will continue in my effort to get the damn laptop back on line but until then there will be no pictures. (This elates my son of course)
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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

One day I was sitting in front of my computer trying to capture an image, but instead, the computer caught my soul. I have been living inside this little box for some time now and I like it when people visit. Come on, you know you want to tell me something...

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