THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: April 2006

Friday, April 28, 2006

Not Depressed Yet...Have A Baby...

Postpartum Blues strikes many new mothers without warning, much like a rattle snake whose sunning time is disturbed by an errant hiker. BAM! One moment you're fine--the next your frigging coming unglued.

The 'idea' of having a baby is far more tolerable than actually 'having' a baby.

During the nine months of gestation, the world revolves around you. Suddenly men who would normaly never give you a second look start opening doors for you, complete strangers give up their seats for you on a crowded bus and total strangers often times want to run their hands across your belly in hopes of feeling the little lump inside moving around.

Basically the world revolves around you and your glowing, now doubled in size, face!

Even the act of childbirth puts you in a whole new catagory. You become somewhat of a heroic figure due to the fact that you can endure all that pain often described as trying to push a watermelon through a key hole. No one ever mentions the litany of foul language filling the air during this grand effort.

But, for many a new mother the sole responsibility for the care of this new life lies in their hands twenty-four-hours a day, seven days a week, twelve months a year. They are thrust into post-natal oblivion with crappy diapers, spit up, ear piercing screams that derive from hunger, fatigue or another crappy diaper. Time is no longer on your side.

So what's not to love?

Then there's the sleep deprivation factor. Getting up two, three times a night, sometimes more to calm, change, soothe, feed or rock your little bundle of love back into sleep mode, which can turn your entire world around and send you reeling towards insanity.

New mothers are often abandoned by their childless friends who no longer wish to hear, for the millionth time, how baby's belly gas creates a smile like facial gesture or how your new little darling sleeps through six hours straight at night or even worse, how often you and your partner lay down bets as to how many feet your little darlin can projectile vomit.

What's not to love about this time in your life? You've got the world by the balls because you're now a family.

There are a million reasons to be depressed when you have a baby, like it or not, it's a fact of life.

What I want to know is why there are no studies on post-post-natal depression?

You know, the one that strikes when your beautiful little baby girl starts sprouting breasts somewhere around 13, or your darling little boy begins to boast about his newly acquired pubic hair.

Now that's depressing because often times it coincides with their 'I hate you, you don't know anything, don't worry about it, stay out of my room, faaaaack off' years that seem to linger on and on until, if you're lucky, they move far far away.

Depression statistics show that every year the use of drugs utilized to stabilize and smooth out brain glitches have increased enormously.

Personally, I cannot lay the entire blame for this increased use on our current political administration, although it seems like a reasonable excuse to find yourself feeling depressed.

Let's face it children drive their parents nuts, it's a fact of life, it always has been. No matter what age they are there's always something so let's all thank God for those drugs dedicated specifically for reassembling your chemical imbalance.

For those persons out there, and I will not mention names Tom, post-natal and post-post-natal depression is real and it affects millions of women.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Nude Carpenter...Mmmmm...

(AP) OAKLAND, Calif. A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff.

After reading about this carpenter who's favorite way to work was in the nude claiming that it kept his work clothes cleaner, my home improvement project came to a screeching halt.

You could almost see the smoke coming from the heels of my shoes as I scurried to put my tools away.

My closet building project, although small enough to do myself, suddenly became far too hard for a 'girl' like me to complete solo so I called up my rather deliciously handsome ex-neighbor, who earns a living doing jobs such as mine, and asked him if he could find some time to come take a look.

I must admit, my mind began to wander rather decadently when he agreed to come by and give me a hand.

[She watched as his hand curled around the shaft of the hammer. With each arc of his arm she felt her heart race, her body tremble as she watched his muscles ripple over and over again. Sweat had started to bead on his face and began to run slowly down his neck to his bare chest and down further to the dark patch of hair just below his bellybutton. She wondered if a cool glass of lemonade would sate him, cool him down, cool her down but somehow she just couldn't move.]

(Shakes her head to come back to reality)

I know that together the two of us can rip right through the project but I'm wondering if it would be politically correct to offer him a 'clothes optional' option. (Would his wife mind, would my husband mind? Mmmmmm!)

After all, we will be working in a bedroom and we've been friends a long time so I don't think he would be offended and...with any luck he wouldn't charge me any extra.

And, the real bonus is that he wouldn't have to wash his clothes at the end of the day.

Yes, I am totally in favor of nude carpentry, especially this carpenter, but, I have to admit this same idea would never fly for plumbers simply because of the position they generally are prone to if you know what I mean.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Like Wine, Music, Sunshine...Then Check This Out

For all you jazz fans out there the following is the top ten songs as posted in Radio & Records Magazine.

#1 (Four weeks as a chart topper)
Paul Brown
Paul Brown

“2nd 2 None”
(Heads Up International)

“Summer Nights”

Brian Culbertson
“Let's Get Started”

Richard Elliot

Kim Waters
“Steppin' Out”

Michael Lington

Philippe Saisse Trio
“Do It Again”

Brian Simpson
“It's All Good”

Marion Meadows
(Heads Up)

Paul Brown , whose reputation as a producer over the past twenty years has gained him the nickname as "The BabyFace of Smooth Jazz", will be live in Temecula on

SUNDAY April 30th at the

Temecula Wine & Music Festival
34843 Rancho California Rd.
Temecula, CA

Faaaaaking Stars...

Daily Horoscope by Saturday April 22, 2006


It's a great time to do a quick life-in-review. Are you where you want to be? Are there things you could be working on that you've been trying to shove back in the closet? Take charge of those items now.


That's a daunting task!

So I sit here asking myself if this is where I want to be. Am I happy with what I have?

Well, yes and no.

Yes I'm happy, there's no doubt about that. I've got the world by the balls so to speak. (yes it's a cliche and I'm going to use it even though I've been trained not to).

But then I look at the stack of manuscript boxes piled secretly in plain sight, the ones filled with half finished projects, and I wonder when and if I will finish any of them.

Admittedly, I'm a great starter, but, when it comes to closing the deal I balk. Why that is I'm not sure but I will blame it on my ADD personality.

But, maybe the stars are telling me something, like get my ass in gear, pull out my creative juices and finish something. Mmmmmmmm...but which to finish.

Murder and and romance...mischief and chaos...or something with gritty sex?

Maybe I'll just close my eyes and do an 'eeny meeny miny mo' and let the universe be responsible for what will rip my fingers across the keyboard.

Yes, I've got a lot on my plate today so I bid you all adieu until the next time.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

My Crazy Ass Family...Part 2...

So here are some more crazy ass pictures of my family get together.Of course no family is complete without a pet picture, so here's the pet, Buddy, the worlds coolest pup.

Of course alcohol and sunshine go together.
My sisters sat there enjoying the moment on one of the most glorious days, that is, until later when we began to freeze out asses off.

Jennifer and Blayr got to enjoy the sunshine with my baby sister Annie.
It's amazing to see these young girls grown up.

Here are all the girls. From top left, Monique, Dinah, Jennifer, Blayr, Annie, Barb, MOM and of course ME!
This was by far one of the best moments in time for me.

Even though six years have passed since we've gotten together like this it's as though time stood still and we picked up exactly where we left off.

Looks are decieving aren't they? You'd never guess these guys were out of the looney bin on a day pass!

My love to you all!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 13, 2006


Well, I'm back, had a wonderful time with the family and am currently resting up. It's exhausting going on vacation, especially when you're trying to catch up on six years of not seeing one another.

As you can see we don't enjoy each others company! We basically just don't like to drink alone!

Alex on the other hand did get to enjoy a little cruise in the beautiful corvette. In Canada the driving age is 11 (lol)!

One of the craziest things I discovered after not seeing my dad in all those years is that I come from African American genes.

Actually he still has his wonderful tan from being in Florida. The dog of couse is of white descent.

These are the nephews that have gotten alot bigger since I last saw them nine years ago and I think Alex was relieved that he would not have to spend all his time with folks. They had a blast.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Faaackin' Eh...

As the Canadian's say. Off to the smooth jazz awards in Toronto. Paul is presenting and is up for International Artist Of The Year. Should be fun and it will be great to see my sista's for the first time in six years.

Ya'll stay out of the rain, drive carefully, avoid slow moving hills and any pissed off immigrants.
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