THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Breaking News

Friday, June 30, 2006

Breaking News

Police are on the hunt for a man who robbed a bank in Van Nuys, California this afternoon.

Witnesses say that the suspect, who's description matched nearly 16 million men living in Los Angeles, simulated a handgun in his pocket in order to get the teller to hand over an estimated $1,000. Upon further investigation police later discovered a prescription bottle of Viagra on the floor of the bank with Rush Limbaughs name on it. Authorities believe it fell out of the suspects pocket while he was fleeing so he may not be armed with a gun but should still be considered horny and dangerous.

He was last seen leaving the area in a taxi cab and police fear they will never recover the money due to increased cab fares.

Anyone who sees the suspect should use extreme caution and avoid contact if they are not in possession of a condom because according to the pill maker, this man could be fully loaded and ready to shoot for up to eight hours.


***Viagra: See post titled 'Penile Code Enforced'

17 Comments:

Blogger Puuda Maggui said...

Great Blog. Mind if I add your link?

Check mine out if that helps you make a decision.

3:57 PM  
Blogger RogueHistorian said...

Damn! I knew I should have left that bottle at home!

4:42 PM  
Blogger Kitrak said...

Haha. Your news pieces remind me of The Onion.
http://www.theonion.com/content/index
Perhaps you should send them some of your articles.

10:18 PM  
Blogger oldhall said...

16 million men in Los Angeles? I think I only know two or three, so your blog has definitely helped me.

3:23 AM  
Blogger COxford said...

JBWRITERGIRL,

Saw your mention on Bestest Blog. Enjoy your writing, very entertaining. Would like to exchange links if agreeable with you. My blog is personal and about anyting that I feel like writing about.

You can check it out through my profile.

Thanks,
C. Oxford

9:24 AM  
Blogger ISOSOS said...

Hey JB.. does this have something to do with "speak softly and carry a BIG stick?" Ok.. so I'm not as funny as you, but hey, what do you expect from an over-worked underpaid photog!
Love Ya!
And congrats!

10:57 AM  
Anonymous The Laughorist said...

I feel erectilely cheated. I'm only getting four hours, not eight! I'm calling my doctor, or at least an escort service, right away. (Man, so many, many listings in the yellow pages!)

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post was definitely full of surprises.

6:24 PM  
Blogger ChiefMommy Owl said...

"..still be considered horny and dangerous."

Has anyone seen my husband?

Sara
babyowls.blogspot.com

6:49 PM  
Blogger Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said...

"...Bill Gates, connected with the Illuminati (a secret/elite society), has a satanic lodge inside the huge, Microsoft headquarters building - the Bilderberg Group, also called the 'invisible world government', because of the character of the meetings it is clearly bribery on the behalf of the politicians who are taking part. Here they are suggested to betray their own countries by selling out their sovereign states to the EU by deceiving their own people ... This is what many of our elected politicians secretly are doing behind our backs. This is high treason."

-Wes Penre

That's exactly why our novel is such a wise choice in these crazy times before the return of Christ the King. Not because I wanna get rich, but because I want everyone to know the love and warmth sHe has for the fallen, human race in this contest to see who’ll cross the Finish Line.

7:15 PM  
Blogger UMM said...

Very, Very Funny!
I just love your style!
Got referred by The Bestest Blog.

Mind Exchanging links?
Email me: MillionaireAl@shaw.ca

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Ali said...

Hey...I was referred to your Blog by the Bestest Blog and I think your style is marvelous... I couldn't stop myself from going on and on reading all and every post and it kept me on the edge for hours. I'm gonna recommend it to some friends... even those friends of mine who are learning English... As I think your writing is good material to get them familiar with the real style.
Wish you good luck!
Keep cool...
Ali

3:47 AM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

Funny and entertaining. Dang I have some serious competition. LOL Congratulation on making best blog of the day of B.B.O.A.T.

Later Yall.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Puuda Maggui said...

Gotta love your site. Oh, and what exactly did you comment in latest article? :) and thanks for the tip

8:52 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

A link trade sounds great. I shall put yours up real soon. Thanks for reading. Later Yall. The meloncutter....

3:59 AM  
Anonymous Kate said...

Great Blog. Mind if I add your link? 16 million men in Los Angeles?

11:16 PM  
Blogger Joyce Benson said...

An amazing testimony by Mrs Joyce Benson, 'A few years back my life had no meaning, it was like i was struggling to exist but not for long. On my way home one evening i met a very successful friend of mine. We talked about so many things and i opened up to him on how my life was a constant bed of struggles. He told me he would help me. He told me all about the Illuminati and gave me an email address (worldofriches@gmail.com ) that i could use to contact them. I contacted the Illuminati immediately through the email address given to me by my friend. Membership was easy. After i requested for membership into the Illuminati through the above email address, i was initiated into the Illuminati. Three days after initiation, $9 000 000 was sent to my bank account by the Illuminati, i was asked what i wanted to do with my life and i said i wanted to go into construction business. The Illuminati guided me all the way and today my business is worth hundreds of millions of dollars I was a man who had nothing before but now i'm a man of wealth, fame and power. I oblige you to take this seriously and i assure you, you'll be glad you did. Contact (worldofriches@gmail.com ) so that you too can become all you've ever wanted.

9:22 AM  

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