Airport Security In The Spotlight

Although most people who travel by plane have adjusted to the long security lines at airports across the country a report just released by Channel 4 news this morning regarding airport security measures says that access to areas that are supposedly off limits are far more accessible that what we are led to believe.

Airports around the country have been trying to beef up security since the U.S. was attacked by terrorists on 9/11 killing thousands of people but some terror sects are still finding a way to get past gates, guards and other measures set in place to eliminate such infiltration.

At New York's Kennedy airport today, it was reported that an individual, later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-gebra" movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value."

According to official reports this group uses secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but it has since been determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

When asked to comment on the arrest, the U.S. President would only say that "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes".

A trial date has been tentatively set for September.