THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Masturbating For A Cause

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Masturbating For A Cause

In London this week charity organizations banded together to raise awareness about HIV and AIDS.

The first ever Masturbate-A-Thon was created to get people talking about safer sex and how doing ones self rather than having partner sex could significantly reduce the rising number of those being infected by these diseases.

Sponsored participants were handed a set of rules and given a choice between all male, all female or both gender rooms in which to achieve their task. The number one rule however, was that there could be no fake orgasms. How this was monitored--organizers would not disclose.

The event, which drew nearly every eager beaver and jerk off in the city, was so overwhelmingly successful, organizers say they will likely expand next year.

"I don't know whether it was the heat or the fact that people are so frustrated by what's going on it the world today but spew...err...I mean whew...the turnout was far higher than we originally anticipated," said one organizer. "People came from all over the city."

Sponsors of the event included Kleenex, Handy Wipes and Johnson's Baby Oil.

10 Comments:

Blogger Julie said...

HAHA spew...

8:55 AM  
Blogger Matt-Man said...

With all that's happening in this wacky world, it's nice to see that people can still come together...

9:54 AM  
Blogger Nick Badway said...

Matt-man was trying to think of ways to promote peace by substituting violence with good old-fashioned contests. Perhaps the Brits can offer this in lieu of dangerously brandishing rockets. Each side has two hours to fill as many empty gallon-sized mustard jugs as possible. And then, um...they can...uh...sounded good in my head.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Derek Anderson said...

What's a Thon and how do you Masturbate it?
I think the ORGANizers, for next year, should hold a contest to re-name the event. Jazz it up a bit

Some suggestions perhaps...

1. "Chuckin' Spunk 07"
2. "Community Climax 2"
3. "Get-off Gathering"

Wow, I'm spent...anyone else have any?

7:16 PM  
Blogger Michael C said...

Man, what a sticky subject!!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

This is hard to comment on. It's a stimulating piece, and you seem to have the subject matter well in hand. I guess it's just different strokes for different folks.

This is one of the better entries I've come across.

9:57 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

All you clever folks out there! Where were you when I was writing this piece?

You see I only write these so you can all keep your chops up, and your hands on the keyboard.

Jacqui

10:48 PM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Ah yes, the secrets of onanism.

10:48 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

peter puller pecked a pick of pickled peckers... Etc.

Well, bust my nuts. Ain't this just a great monkey spank from hell. Just be glad mankind was made with long arms and opposable thumbs for effective gherkin jerkin'. Pounding the Pope is an art form developed over many centuries of practicing beating the bishop.

As opposed to women to had to invent neat battery operated buddies for effective muffin stuffin. Until plastic were invented tree limbs made for many hours of entertainment of splinter removal.

I do not myself think I would participate in a public willy wagging or balonga bonking but it is an interesting and attention getting concept. I am not much of a wanker cranker as I am prone to repetitive motion disorders.


But, to each his own. LOL

Later Yall.

6:56 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

I understand melon, but what do you attribute your carpal-tunnel affliction to?

8:11 AM  

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