THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Florida's Dirty Little Secret--Not In My Neighborhood

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Florida's Dirty Little Secret--Not In My Neighborhood

Politicians in Orlando, Florida have banded together to rid their City Hall neighborhood of unsightly homeless persons by banning everyone from feeding them.

Many of those who depend on the kindness of others for food, shelter and basic necessities have been banished from within a 2-mile radius of City Hall so that visiting dignitaries and residents, who now occupy upscale housing in the area, will not be subjected to the constant begging often associated with these pesky vagrants.

"They're dirty and disgusting and we don't want to have to step over them on our way to work," said one city official. "We have a reputation to uphold and if misleading the public into believing that we've solved the homeless issue based on the fact that you don't see them hanging around here then that's what we will continue to do."

Using the 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality, officials are hoping to follow in the footsteps of Las Vegas's ban on feeding the homeless to draw in new home buyers to help offset the decrease in Orlando home sales currently down 29 percent from the same period last year.

"We're working on the theory that what you don't see won't hurt you," said a spokesman for the mayor. "We suggest that if residents feel compelled to feed someone or something that they feed the pigeons instead, because unlike the homeless, we can shoot them to eliminate the problem and no one will give a shit."

The American Civil Liberties Union has stepped in on behalf of the homeless and is expected to challenge this ordinance in conjunction with a multitude of religious organizations.

Rather than imposing a ban they are asking the city to accommodate this growing population by providing a proper facility where the homeless can go to seek food and shelter.

"We don't think moving garbage dumpsters closer to the 2-mile boundary qualifies as a new feeding station."

Update: A lawsuit has been filed in Las Vegas on behalf of activist groups who have banded together to overturn this ridiculous ban.

5 Comments:

Blogger Evil Genius said...

Nah, can't encourage them to feed the pigeons, because then the hoity toities will complain about all the pigeon shit on their cars. LOL

11:31 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Same things happening in Vegas.
Fines are as hefty as 5K ...

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Jul-20-Thu-2006/news/8589438.html

How 'bout instead of not feeding them, we get them housing and maybe jobs...

12:22 PM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Why not put them in prison? Just don't send them to us, our prisons in Michigan are full. In fact, we sent inmates to Virginia for awhile. That's it, can't they provide the homeless transportation, or relocate them far far way?

11:25 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

I vote we send all our homeless to mexico. Make a trade, we get their job seekers, they get our job avoiders. Seems equitable to me. It would serve to stabilize the population in both countries.

Later Yall.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

This is one of those posts that, I fear, is too close to the newswire's horrid reality. The kind that I want a blackout from. Gawd!

8:24 PM  

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