THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sex Workers Protest Injures Several Bystanders

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sex Workers Protest Injures Several Bystanders

Respect and honesty are not words often found synonymous with the city whose trademark slogan is 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'.

Prostitutes, strippers and those who work the streets recently protested on the steps of the Las Vegas courthouse to demand respect and legal protection and to overturn the new anti-human trafficing laws that restrict their freedom and right to work in this illegal profession.

"The idea behind protecting sex workers has to go beyond sleeping with a cop who keeps his gun belt on while lolling about in bed with a prostitute," said one official who was betting on this rally to win him recognition in his bid to gain a seat on the S.F. Board of supervisors. "What this really comes down to is taxes and whether or not the government can get their hands on them."

It is expected that the Sex Bill, which will look at all the issues related to and in conjunction with protection laws for employees of sex-for-money, will go to Congress sometime later this year.

Although this local event got off as organizers expected, it ended up garnering worldwide attention after several innocent bystanders who accidentally came upon the scantily clad protesters while on vacation or business trips suffered a multitude of injuries due to sensory overload and had to be hospitalized.

One man, who the previous evening had ingested a Viagra pill, had to be rushed to a local trauma center for emergency treatment.

"I thought I'd gotten it all out of my system last night but when I saw that gigantic mass of mammory glands gathered all in one place I sort of lost control and kept hurting myself as I tried to make my way closer to the front of the crowd," he said. "I was sticking out like a sore thumb so to speak and I guess all that rubbing and bumping gave the old willy a good thumping--it was quite embarrassing."

Another tourist from Italy said doctors told him that it could take weeks or even months to regain normal use of his eyes.

"They opened so wide I thought my eyeballs would fall right out and now they're stuck open like this," he said. "I know I'll catch shit from my wife back in Italy because she's seen this happen once before shortly after the girl that lives next door had her boobs done. It's going to be pretty obvious that this trip was not all business."

Hospital officials said that most of the injuries were not as life threatening as originally stated, that most were only superficial.

"We saw a lot of calloused hands that only required a little cream."

Las Vegas Police Chief Seemore Poontang denied allegations that their department used unnecessary force in dispersing the unruly crowd.

"It was not a free for all as news reports stated," Poontang said. "Our officers were explicitly instructed to use as little force as possible to move the protesters out of harms way but when you're in a crowd with so many bare breasts and tight little butts hanging out it's difficult not to cop a feel whether intentional or unintentional."


Blogger bigpinkearaser said...

Haha, love that news post. The idea for this blog is totally awesome and you're right, the news does only make us fear the worst. At least this blog is different!

Do you mind if I link you?

9:25 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

So I found your site on Beststest Blogs re-run Sunday. Just so happens I live in Vegas, and you hit the nail right on the head!!!

You go girl!

Thanks for the chuckles!

9:39 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Thanks for stopping by!
Swap Links? DEFINITELY! Your blog is great! Good Luck!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Red11 said...

Great Blog, funny stuff

11:23 AM  
Blogger Michael C said...

Another great post. It helps me forget that I had to work today to help my boss save his skin!

Hope you don't mind, but at your suggestion, I linked to your blog. A reciprocal link would be much appreciated, but I'll visit this site regardless ;-)

8:22 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

I have vowed never to go to Vegas as my sex bill would probably be more expensive than a 20 cent fish. Have a good one.

Later Yall....

4:03 AM  
Blogger Penrick said...

You did it again girl. I can't wait to read your blog. When I saw the word Sex, I got undressed, grabbed some motion lotion and read your entry. TMI or are you honored?? LOL

5:13 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

This is an awesome blog! I'm telling all my friends!!!

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10:31 PM  

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