Police Oppose Skanky Underwear

In a study released this week researchers have found that what you wear can make all the difference in the world for many women when off for a night on the town, according to officials in London.

Police agencies across the country report they've had it up to their eyeballs--literally--when called to the scene of a bar or private party where female drinkers have imbibed in one too many beverages.

"It can be a really gruesome sight when you arrive and you see an unconscious girl sprawled out on the ground where their skirt has shifted upwards of their bottoms and their legs are splayed this way and that, especially if they've not recently been waxed," said one male police officer shaking his head to dislodge the visual picture from his mind. "If we could somehow get across to them that we don't enjoy viewing their ugly old granny panties, which I have to say are sometimes very well worn, it would make our job a lot more pleasant."

In an unprecedented move, Scotland Yard announced that it has pulled funds from their emergency reserve terrorism account in order to purchase twenty thousand pairs of thong underwear from the Victoria's Secret catalogue, which officers will then be able to carry and distribute when they go out on these calls.

Although London Treasury officials would not comment publicly on this controversial expenditure, the Chief of Police did release this statement about the 'Undercover' project, which is expected to begin shortly after a thorough inspection of their counter terrorism products.

"We feel this form of human terrorism should be fought diligently and we believe it will improve the moral of the entire police department well beyond our expectations."