High Alert Issued For Air Travel

In light of this weeks new terror alert airports across the country have beefed up security hoping to avert any ugly airplane mishaps that could cause great loss of life.

Officials have released no-fly carry on baggage list that includes anything liquidy such as hand creams, gels and bottled water.

"This measure will not only eliminate the threat of potential bombs being carried on board, it will also free up the restrooms from those whose guilty pleasure is to become or remain part of the mile-high club," said a spokesman for the transportation security department.

One airline has come up with a profitable solution to aide those wishing not to dispose of their prized liquid goods.

"We're offering a discounted price on a second ticket that will allow passengers to check their disallowed products onto a passengerless flight," an airline official said. "We're not sure that everyone will be able to recover their goods at their final destination but we recognize the fact that air travelers are used to this anyway."

Transportation authorities said because of the new security measures they have put in place, all air travelers should arrive at least a week ahead of their scheduled flight and to expedite the long lines passengers should be naked and carry absolutely nothing.