THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sunday's Humor

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sunday's Humor

Did You Know...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you passed gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Wow! Of course that's after you've removed the knife.)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine???)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity!)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing..)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(This pig is too dumb to know a 30-minute orgasm is a good thing)


Enjoy your Sunday my friends and remember to pick a designated driver,
Jacqui

7 Comments:

Blogger jbwritergirl said...

I don't know if anyone else out there is experiencing problems adding comments to other pages but I most certainly am.

I think Meloncutter is sabotaging me this morning because my computer froze 6 times while trying to comment on his early rising story. Then on my last try his word verification just kept at me about 7 times and tried to make me believe I can no longer spell.

What the hell is going on?

8:49 AM  
Blogger COxford said...

Enjoy your Sunday's humor.

I was just trying to figure if a lion was a pig would there be enough time in the day.

Now we know where the term "quickie" came from. It wasn't from the pig.

C. Oxford

1:06 PM  
Blogger thethinker said...

"If you passed gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb."

Wow, that made my day.

1:52 PM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

And I'm left-handed. Thanks alot.

12:22 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Which of course JR is the reason you should live up to the pig standards on this list! LOL

6:41 AM  
Blogger Morgen said...

pig orgasm = somehow a trade off for being made into sausage?

JB- have you switched to Blogger Beta? I understand that is what's messing things up. why they couldn't leave well enough alone is beyond me... you know a MAN is behind Blogger Beta! Ha! Maybe I should say a STRAIGHT MAN.
you know it wasn't a pig, he was too busy enjoying himself on a Sunday morning...

8:26 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Mo,

I was once called a pig in my younger days but failed to reach the 30 minute orgasm. Do you think it was a matter of name calling gone bad?

Perhaps since I used to be fairly heavy they actually meant I was a hog!

By the way, after seeing that pic on your site, I have since remedied the situation.

jacqui

9:22 AM  

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