THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sex Toys Seized

Monday, August 28, 2006

Sex Toys Seized

In Hanoi this week people have been walking around in a daze for days after officials seized their regular supply of sex toys and sexual stimulants.

Authorities said they stopped a truck carrying onions in the small town of Ho because the onions were acting rather strangely.

"They were quivering and what really caught our attention is that all the green onions were standing with their shoots straight up, as if at attention," an official said. "Usually when you pull these from the ground they start to wilt right away and are rushed off to the market to be sold before their bright green shoots begin to fade, but this particular load still had stiff shoots nearly eight hours after being picked."

It is believed that one of the bottles of viagra opened during the bumpy ride and became entangled in the onions.

Residents of this tiny southern town expressed their displeasure at a protest on the steps of city hall.

Nearly seven people who appeared to look rather anxious and needy gathered to demand the release of the contraband goods.

One middle aged protester, Mi Wili Nowork, whose reputation had garnered him the nickname 'old softie', said that he had just begun courting a new woman and without his little blue pill the relationship would be doomed.

Another protester who appeared to be very frustrated voiced her displeasure at this untimely seizure.

"I order boyfriend--he in box in truck--go to jail--no nuckie for me--leave me wanting to scratch eye out," she said unable to control her tears. "Plea plea relea Long John, he ma good huband, make me happy."

4 Comments:

Blogger jbwritergirl said...

By the way I've finally managed to post pictures of my hubby's album. You should check him out, buy the albums so he can keep me in the lifestyle I have grown accustomed to.

Hint: Cosmic Monkey is my first public vocal with Jeffrey Osborne singing on top. (He gets the credit because I am not in the union)

Peace out kids.

Tomorrow is my interview with the Enquirer, wish me luck!

JB

11:46 AM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

Well, where to start. I shall begin with wishing you good luck on your interview. I hope all goes well for you.

Rumor has it that this was actually a theft orchestrated by the tribal chief, Hung Tunees, in the small village of Suckwang, in the Suburbs of Hanoi. His son, Nho Nhuts, is having relationship problems. Nho Nhuts, intended bride to be, Meeso Hawny, by tribal custom shall have to provide a water buffalo to her husbands family for each child born in the first 10 years of marriage.

This could be the biggest conspiracy to hit Vietnam in years.

Later Yall.....

1:49 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

I believe Hung Tunees is the uncle of the brother of the father of the nephew, Nho Lhong Dhong, who was driving the truck at the time of the raid.


Some villagers believe that these items were confiscated in order to provoke further fueding between families.

Mhi Titi Saglow, the great Aunt of Nho Lhong Dhong, explained to the press that this fued has been raging for years.

She said it began when Hung Tunees was accussed of having penile implant surgery in order to live up to the family name, an allegation he denies.

2:27 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

Other conspirators are... Yoo Suk,
Mi Ngo Blo, Wun Hung Lo and an Amerasian (child from the war era) they call Yoo Yankee wankee. It is also rumored that a Polynesian immigrant, Iwana Pikapipi, patricipated in the raid.

They apparently belong to a an Asian gang called the Winiza Dragon cult. The leader of the cult, Idu Yoo, will not claim responsibility for the raid.

Later Yall......

6:18 PM  

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