THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Illegal Possession Charges Filed Against Homeless Man

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Illegal Possession Charges Filed Against Homeless Man

The Los Angeles police department has come under scrutiny again after being caught on tape by the LA Community Action Network during the arrest of a homeless man living on Skid Row downtown.

The suspect was charged with illegal possession of milk crates and was transported to the Twin Towers jail shortly after a police officer rapped up a sweet rendition, hummed through a megaphone, of the theme song from the now defunct television show 'Sanford And Sons'.

Police officials deny there was any wrongdoing and defended their actions.

"Our usual style is to beat the crap out of the suspect Rodney King style and that did not happen. Granted, the officer in questions voice is pretty bad and could be construed as cruel and unusual punishment but other than that the arrest was pretty standard," said a spokesman for the department.

An official from one local milk company released a statement to the press expressing how grateful they were for the return of the two long lost crates whose value is set at approximately $1.25.


Blogger Michael C said...

Let's see...$1.25 for milk crates vs. thousands for the incarceration? Yep, in L.A. that sounds just about right!!!

7:31 AM  
Blogger Michael C said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

That man is Limejello Wilkinson. He is a senior member of the International Milk Crate Liberation Front (IMCLF). He was on a well-planned mission to free a group young milk crates from their captors. Things were going precisely as planned when the operation went south. Luckily all other operatives on the mission escaped without detection. And unbeknownst to the LAPD a reconnaissance operation is underway to free this highly critical agent of the IMCLF.

You see, the team was exactly eleven minutes and fourteen seconds into “Operation Lactardi Freedom.” The entire team was on complete radio silence when a young, rookie agent stepped on a twig, alerting the pair of Doberman guard dogs. Their ferocious barking alerted the portly (but cuddly) watchman who had dozed off in his booth in the middle of a Honeymooners episode. (You’ve probably seen it. It was the one Uncle George from Pittsburgh is in town and Alice has invited him to dinner. But Ralph and Norton have front-row seats at the fights. Holy crap, pure hilarity.) Anyway, the watchman dialed 911 and as luck would have it, there was a squad car less than a block away. During the frenzy to abort the mission, Wilkinson tripped on a stone and demanded that his fellow agents ‘go on without him.’

So, as one of the officers was cuffing agent Wilkinson, the other was discussing which classic sit-com was better. Sanford and Son or The Honeymooners – Hence the megaphone antics. What the story didn’t detail was the watchman’s rousing Jackie Gleason impersonation through the same megaphone.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Nick Badway said...

Without a doubt DRex. I heard the other officer was reciting Sheriff Buford T. Justice.

"Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker."

"Let me have an El Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper with no ice. And make it fast, I'm in a Goddamn hurry"!

Dude, he had all those guys rolling on the ground. And the best part is this copper had a watermellon-gut just like The Jackie.

I love that guy.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Another twentysomething said...

Hmmm...I bet my local grocery store would really appreciate my beating down all thwe homeless people I see pushing around their missing grocery carts!

11:45 AM  
Blogger Another twentysomething said...

Hmmm...I bet my local grocery store would really appreciate my beating down all thwe homeless people I see pushing around their missing grocery carts!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Andrew said...

It could have been worse. What if the cop had been crooning "My Way"?

"To Love, Honor and Dismay"

3:36 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Well, it appears that I am locked out of blogger again. Shiite!!!!

I will post as soon as it lets me log into my account. Until then you all have a fabulous day.

Peace out,

8:27 AM  
Blogger thethinker said...

Come back soon. :)

11:40 AM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

Do you have a AAA card? Hahahaha, I slay me.

12:21 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Arr!!! Arr!!!

6:59 AM  

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