THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Breast Implants Save More Than Self-Image

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Breast Implants Save More Than Self-Image

In Israel this week a woman was saved from sure death after attackers bullets were unable to penetrate anything more than her silicone implants.

The 24-year-old said she was always worried about how the size of her large bust would make her stand out in a crowd making her an easy target, but is now eternally grateful she decided on the double 'd's' instead of the 'c' cup.

Word of this miraculous save spread quickly among civilian and enlisted residents and has sent thousands scurrying to their doctors office.

Plastic surgeons in many worn torn areas have been inundated with calls from potential clients hoping to have as many of these figure enhancing sacks placed in not only their sagging breasts, but any area that could potentially take a fatal blow.

"We can accommodate many of those seeking these surgeries due to the fact that after America banned the silicone type implants we were able to buy them at a discounted price," said a spokesman for the American Plastic Surgeons organization.

"I imagine that if more women go through the enhancement process, men serving in combat may eventually lose interest in the battle and take interest in a more peaceful resolution to the tensions of daily life."


Blogger Morgen said...

I may be gay, but I'm all for Boobs For Peace!

2:09 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Off to the plastic surgeon I go....

2:48 PM  
Blogger R's Musings said...

You should write for "The Onion!" Great stories, JB! Hope you're enjoying great weather and the scenery where you are!

6:29 PM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

Sexy silicone flack jackets AND world peace. Sounds like a win-win for everyone.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Does this mean I should expect to see more of those spam emails that offer men a way to enlarge their ... um, portfolios?

7:27 PM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

As a noted admirer of (hmmm how to say this tasteful manner... honkers? Funbags? hooters? Gazoombas? boobies? taters? zepplins? cantaloupes? bazookas? maybe I should just stick with the technical term) breasts. I can truthfully say. Oh yeah!

Later Yall......

2:08 AM  
Blogger Matt-Man said...

Gives new meaning to MOAB..."Mother of All Breasts"

6:56 AM  
Blogger Morgen said...

How about Weapons Of Mass Distraction???

9:09 AM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Breast Plates R Us.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Alas, such are the tactics of longtime enemies: tit for tat. Incidentally, how are things in Silicone Valley? In a related story, I heard the Israeli equivalent of the USO is now bringing "Mammari Mia" to the troops. Plus a new version of the John & Yoko classic has been issued: "Give Piece A Chance." Wait. Wait! There's more. Doesn't this give a new perspective on "it's just a flesh wound"? I'm done. And you are all grateful.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

Sweet. I can see it now: a UN-brokered "Bombs for Bombshells" program.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Man On The Street said...

So you're basically saying that Washington DC is completely safe... because of all the artificial boobs there and all...

thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress...

11:10 AM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

No. There are no artificial boobs in Washington -- they are genuine boobs.

11:25 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

I can see you all miss me, are starved for news but it's difficult to get on line where I am. Even my cell phone will not work here so I am incomunicado, so they say.

I am however using my 'weapons of mass distraction' as Morgan put it, to throw off any leads as to my real identity on the island.


11:53 AM  
Blogger Laffy Taffy said...

Dude, that is like, really funny! I love this stuff man! I think you rock mocassins, like, totally.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Kilroy_60 said...

Good things come to those who wait. That doesn't mean we like waiting!! Do hope you are having a Great! time.

When you return, I'd appreciate you updating my link...
Fear And Loathing - The Gonzo Papers.

Will look forward to connecting with you again soon.

1:37 PM  
Blogger COxford said...

Love it Jacqui,

Were back from vacation and see that you have made a #1 again.

Love this post as all the rest.

C. Oxford

5:19 PM  
Blogger Penrick said...

But I'm celebrating getting my breasts reduced to a 44DD and everyone else is increasing??!!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Another twentysomething said...

Just popped by after hitting ”random blog.” Funny news story and ending. I like finding unique news stories, so I’ll definitely come back!

12:45 PM  
Blogger Kilroy_60 said...

Thinking about the breast implants, is it true they make great water floatation devices? Have heard so many flight stewardesses have them.

2:38 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

I'm back everyone but blogger won't let me in to post.

Hang in there, I am ready to dazzle when things straighten out with my computer or with blogger.

Glad to see everyone is in good humor by the way. I've returned biten by mosquitos and my hubby by a 5" centepede. Yuck!!!!

Just an interesting tidbit about breast implants. In California you can get health insurance if you smoke but they will or can deny you because of breast implants.

Can someone explain to me who came up with this lame ass contingency?

Hope to be back by tomorrow. Till then take care all.


2:32 PM  
Blogger Nick Badway said...

I think it was a guy named Phillip Morris.

2:45 PM  
Blogger ISOSOS said...

Well girl.. it's so good to have you back home again.... missed you... can't wait to see you. The days are flying by so fast I open my eyes.. it's morning, with no more than a blink... it's bedtime. I've got to get back on the horse again with my site... sorry for my absence.
Love ya!

12:39 AM  

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