THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sexual Dysfunctional Syndrome Expected To Fill Court Dockets

Friday, September 01, 2006

Sexual Dysfunctional Syndrome Expected To Fill Court Dockets

In China a young woman filed suit against the state to compensate her for mental anguish and money she has spent on vibrators and other sexual aides because her husband can no longer satisfy her sexually.

The suit states that after running into the corner of a piece of audio gear while at work, her husband is no longer capable of an erection.

Wei Suying, 31, said this has caused irreparable damage to their marriage and is causing her to lose sleep and will eventually atrophy her genitals.

"He not please me anymore, that why suing," said Wei Suying.

Although the Chinese court disallowed the lawsuit it has sparked international attention, especially here in the United States where frivolous lawsuits are abundant. It is what officials are describing as 'The "Suying" Syndrome'.

Well known attorney Gloria Aldread, said her phone has been ringing off the hook from potential clients hoping to follow the lead of Suying.

"I've had at least 1,000 calls already from people hoping to cash in on their bad relationships," Aldread said.

Many of those posing potential lawsuits said they were tired of their lazy-assed, sexually boring, messy, downright ugly partners.

One unidentified woman said she was tired of seeing her husband sitting on the couch in their filthy apartment every day when she came home from her twelve hour shift at work.

"He's one lazy asshole and if I could sue the state for my ineptness of partner picking, the money would go a long way in appeasing my animosity towards him," she said.

Surprisingly however, many of those calling for legal advise were men, who after marrying their beautiful, intelligent female counterparts, found themselves disappointed within 6-months of their nuptials.

"She was so incredible during our courtship, but now...well, let's just say she got her man and now she's let herself go" said one man who wanted to sue the state for therapy costs to determine whether or not she was the cause for his now withered penile problem. "If someone has to pay for my stupidity, it might as well be the state."

Court officials said they are clearing their dockets, finishing up all their time consuming high publicity celebrity divorces, in order to prepare for the potential onslaught of lawsuits.

"Unfortunately, this is the American way," said one judge who wished not to be identified.

4 Comments:

Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

In Pakistan, a while back, this same thing was becoming a problem. Women were complaining about the same sorts of issues and demanding compensation from the Pakistani Government. It was nipped in the bud, though, when the minister of social affairs, Shutuhpana Maikmee Azandweech, passed a series of laws that successfully — and permanently — squelched the uprising.

11:39 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Arr! Arr! That sounds like something my husband would come up with, lol.

jb

2:44 PM  
Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

If I were the judge, I'd let her win the case but give her $US0.39 as a summary judgment -- roughly the price of a decent cucumber or zucchini. "No need expensive viblator," I'd shout, and then bang her, i mean the gavel.

6:57 PM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

Are you bonkers? you can't get a cucumber or zucchini in the US for 39¢. Well, at least not a, um, respectable one.

8:13 PM  

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