THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sexual Aid Releases Man From Mothers Custody

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Sexual Aid Releases Man From Mothers Custody

A 29-year-old man was taken into custody at a Chicago airport this week after reportedly telling transportation security officials he was carrying a bomb to avoid an embarrassing confrontation with his mother.

Shortly before Madin Azad Amin and his mother boarded a flight to Turkey, officials found an item in his suitcase that resemble a grenade and quickly detained them.

During questioning Amin fessed up to officials that it was actually part of an elaborate system to pleasure himself--a penis pump, and that he was too embarrassed to have to explain that to security with his mother standing so close to him.

"It was an error in judgment on my part," Amin said. "What I really should have said was 'it's THE bomb' not 'it's A bomb'."

His mother, described by witnesses as one of those over bearing, possessive religious zealots, was released shortly after questioning and held an impromptu press conference to defend her son's action.

"I know what's best for my son and I raised him to be a good boy and that includes not touching himself to satisfy his sexual needs," she said. "I am very proud of him for finding a way to indulge his sexual desires, by using a devise without actually touching himself or whoring around with trashy young women--he's a good boy."

Amin, charged with disorderly conduct as stated in the penile code book, will face up to a possible three years in jail.

As officials led Amin out of the airport he was reported to have a wide grin on his face. When asked if he was happy about being arrested he told the officers he was elated.

"I've been trying to come out of the closet for years but was always afraid of my mother and the repercussions of such a disclosure," Amin admitted. "You've met my mother--three years in an all male prison sounds like heaven on earth."

7 Comments:

Blogger Sheila said...

Oh my God this is the funniest thing I've read all day!! I don't know about you but I think I would take the embarassment over having someone frisk me and put me in a tiny room for questioning. Wonder what his dear old mum thinks of him now? hehe

10:48 AM  
Blogger Nick Badway said...

Now, I travel with a laptop with which the TSA loves to be dangerously careless. I mean, they suck at making sure our stuff doesn't get to our destination safely. It used to be, in the old days, that one would be required to activate such electronic items as verification that it's not an incendiary device. My question is: was poor Madin Azad Amin required to verify the true purpose of his grenade-shaped pleasure-pump? You know, Enquireing minds want to know.

11:17 AM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Is he crazy? Three years in a male prison? There'll be some pumping alright! At least his mother will visit him.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Morgen said...

three years in an all male prison...

...wait, what were we talking about?

Oh yeah -- thanks for the update on your interview, Jacqui! Keep us updated!!!

2:02 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

A BOMB? This guy is on the spot to come up with a lie and that's the best he can do? He chose possible prison time over a bit of embarrassment? He couldn't pick a less threatening lie, like "it's a cigar sharpener" or something? Oy, vat's dis voyld comink to?

Jacqui, did you get a chance to check out my attempt at posting a JB-style article yesterday?

1:55 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Sheila, I think his dear old mum will come to the realization that her son is a tactile learner, if you know what I mean.

Nick, I do believe that he was asked to demonstrate the devise but failed to meet the task. He was apparently already scared stiff!

Morgan, I hear your pain. Apparently Amin changed his surname to Amen on his booking documents. He has recently been sent to serve his time at the D.I.C. Detention Center in West Hollywood. I drove by to see the place for myself and strangely enough their banner over the door said "WE BEND OVER BACKWARDS TO KEEP CRIME OFF THE STREET".

Andrew, some people just are not good liars. I would have come up with something more believable like it's a denture soaker. Officials could have sunk their teeth into that excuse.

Your post is rather hilarious. Guess I will have to really watch out for you, but, I always say...I love a challenge!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

yeah, as jr's thumbprints noted, he'll be pumpin' somethin' in the Big House, with a whole new brand of muthas! Man, he should see if he can bring that device into the prison. He will be one popular momma's boy.

7:00 PM  

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