Popeye Turns Over In Grave

All across the nation health fanatics have been lining up at hospitals and health care clinics hoping for test results to show that they have not been infected with the e-coli bacteria.

Millions of bags of packaged spinach, which have currently been traced to a California natural foods company in San Juan Bautista, have been tainted with the deadly bacteria.

E-coli infection becomes apparent soon after ingestion and it's symptoms include an insurmountable amount of foul smelling gas followed immediately by crapping your brains out and often is followed by what medical officials refer to as 'sudden death'.

Officials are saying that the public should not panic but should use caution when picking their vegetables during their grocery store visits.

"With the billions of cases of obesity in every state we're certain the outbreak will be contained to only those people who lead a healthy lifestyle with a healthy diet," one official said. "That really narrows down the number of people we're expecting to get sick."

Government officials hoping for the best but preparing for the worst offered this advice to the public.

"If you have ingested any of this bad spinach and you're not already dead, you should prepare immediately by bending over and kissing your ass goodbye."