THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Airline Travel Gets An Edge In Europe

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Airline Travel Gets An Edge In Europe



In Denmark today, airline officials announced they have launched what is being hailed as the first terrorist free flights.

In a bold move by the Transportation Security Authority, all passengers are required to remove every piece of clothing before passing through the final checkpoint, which they have now installed directly in front of each boarding gate. Travelers are then issued their own personal blanket and pillow until they are reunited with their clothes once they reach their final destination.

"This leaves no doubt in our mind and the mind of other passengers that nothing can be carried on board without being easily detected," said a spokesman for the TSA. "We believe anyone who ever thought about taking part in any kind of terrorist activities while flying under these circumstances will be so distracted by the anatomy of other passengers they will be completely rendered helpless in their seats."

One passenger, who witnesses say was possibly actress Pamela Sue Anderson, spent most of her time giggling as she passed through the final checkpoint wearing nothing but her birthday suit.

During takeoff a male steward overheard her conversation with another passenger and alerted other flight attendants that there may be a problem.

After being informed by flight staff member that she openly admitted that "her breasts were the bomb" the Captain apparently left the cockpit to do a thorough inspection of the passenger in question.

"In today's climate we must take all the precautions we feel necessary," the Captain said.

After a lengthy inspection the passenger was deemed harmless by the Captain and was reseated among the other passengers.

After spending fifteen minutes in the first class bathroom the Captain also returned to the cockpit and the rest of the flight went without further incident.

9 Comments:

Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

You said the "Captain apparently left the cockpit." Is "cockpit" a gender-biased term? Just wondering. I mean, it does sound better than...No. I refuse. I have kids. And they know how to read. (BTW, Jacqui, I'll be back to blogging...just been too busy surfing porn. Or writing short stories. Or both.)

11:23 AM  
Blogger Matt-Man said...

I'd hate to be the poor soul who has to clean the seats after every flight....

11:49 AM  
Blogger Another twentysomething said...

I knew it was only a matter of time! God forbid the day an airplan bomb is detonated from an internal bodily cavity. Latex glove searches for all!

12:01 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Ooooo... This will definitely boost membership numbers in the Mile High Club!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Evil Genius said...

As always, your posts totally crack me up - and of course, keep me coming back for more!!

Thanks for all the great laughs!

6:30 PM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Nudity is natural. Breast implants are not. Did you know they're ticking time-bombs?

10:03 PM  
Blogger Nick Badway said...

Breast implants? Pam Anderson doesn't have breast implants. Are you crazy? The only thing fake on her is her personality. Come now, it's time for a stiff dose of reality.

Badway

5:48 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

PK
Yes it is a cockpit! Don't you ever wonder why the stewardesses are always going in there for long periods of time.

Turbulents my ass!!!

Matt-Man

OooooHHHHHHH. Yuck! Never thought of the downside. Perhaps they will reconsider and give each passenger one of those things you put on the toilet seat.

20 S,

Are you telling me you've never let off an airplane bomb from an internal cavity on a flight. Well, then again it may just be an age thing!

Andrew,

Are you a member?

Evil,

Welcome back! Mi casa y su casa! Keep laughing.

JR,

You're absolutly right about that. Last night on the news they were talking about how they need to be replaced every 15 years or so. Perhaps this is another secret from the 'shrub' as you so lovingly refer to him, to plant our own bombs inside these tiny little sacks.

Nick,

Actually Pam Anderson had implants due to the fact that she lives so close to the ocean. They were installed as a safety measure in the event of a tsunami because apparently Ms Anderson does not know how to swim so in the event of a natural disaster they will actually become a floatation device.

8:28 AM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

PK
Yes it is a cockpit! Don't you ever wonder why the stewardesses are always going in there for long periods of time.

Turbulents my ass!!!

Matt-Man

OooooHHHHHHH. Yuck! Never thought of the downside. Perhaps they will reconsider and give each passenger one of those things you put on the toilet seat.

20 S,

Are you telling me you've never let off an airplane bomb from an internal cavity on a flight. Well, then again it may just be an age thing!

Andrew,

Are you a member?

Evil,

Welcome back! Mi casa y su casa! Keep laughing.

JR,

You're absolutly right about that. Last night on the news they were talking about how they need to be replaced every 15 years or so. Perhaps this is another secret from the 'shrub' as you so lovingly refer to him, to plant our own bombs inside these tiny little sacks.

Nick,

Actually Pam Anderson had implants due to the fact that she lives so close to the ocean. They were installed as a safety measure in the event of a tsunami because apparently Ms Anderson does not know how to swim so in the event of a natural disaster they will actually become a floatation device.

8:28 AM  

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