THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Hey Fat Ass Get Off The Couch--Is This Acceptable Language?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Hey Fat Ass Get Off The Couch--Is This Acceptable Language?

The debate continues among researchers, doctors, and parents as to whether or not it's okay to tell your lazy-assed overweight child that they're obese.

In a recent report it was noted that this growing problem is becoming an epidemic of epic proportions and the likelihood of children developing diseases such as diabetes is increasing at an alarming pace.

Some doctors claim that the difference between diagnosing an overweight child versus an obese child is difficult.

"Do I tell the kid they're just a little too fat or that they're on their way to a pine box if they don't stop shoveling food into their fat little mouths?" said one confused pediatrician. "It's really hard to say anything especially when their mothers or fathers are in the room and their asses are as big as a barn door as well."

Others argue that the two categories, overweight and obese, are one in the same regardless of the scientific language that describe the two conditions.

"If I see a kid come into my office who is busting out of their clothes I can pretty much determine that they're too fat regardless of what category they fall into," another doctor stated. "This black eye is proof that no one likes to hear bad news but I feel it's in my patients best interest to be blunt."

Some parents however will argue that because we live in a world filled with stress and intense challenges stuffing your face or, as some politely call it 'self-medicating', has become an acceptable practice.

"Rather than hurting my child's feelings or risking damage to his ego I circumvent the whole issue by using cute words like 'dimples' when I ask him to pass the chips," said one mother. "I know I could use derogatory words like 'lardo' or 'chunko' but then I risk losing the chance to share whatever it is he's eating."

The debate is expected to continue over the summer with a recommendation to be released sometime in the fall.

12 Comments:

Blogger Ron Bramlett said...

Yeah. I blame the parents for everyone's ass being so fat.

Its the parents' job to keep that ass at a reasonable size.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous da lafferist said...

I recommend: "Get your Wal-Mart lovin', nacho-chompin', SUV-ridin', suburban soccer-lovin', never-walkin' Republican-votin'lardass a-movin' --d'ya hear me?" And that's just for the parents of the fatties. (Okay, so I'm a little ornery. I slept late.)

8:03 AM  
Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

I know two moms that had surgery to lose weight. The one mom lost over 150 lbs. easily. You would think she'd monitor her daughter's eating habits, but she doesn't. The daughter's going to have the same problems as her mother. Sad. A little exercise and less snacks works for me. --Jim

12:04 AM  
Blogger meloncutter said...

Fresh air and exercise will reduce a fat ass. I suggest lots of mooning. (gawd, I'm back to mooning again.) OK never mind that. Get them a bicycle.... No peddling ass is probably not a good suggestion either. Well crap, Dang. LET'S GANG SUE THE SNACK CAKE AND COOKIE COMPANIES.

Later Yall.....

3:57 AM  
Blogger Spider63 said...

Fat kids are sick and they need help. Growing up obese is like a death sentence. Obesity needs to be treated like a serious illness.

4:40 AM  
Blogger Johnny Ringo said...

You've gotta love people who keep their undies bunched up... It is a HUMOROUS ENTERTAINMENT site, Spider. Lighten up and save some "sick" kids on your site.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's the lack of proper parental supervision and/or guidance (as was said 3x already) instead of a sickness?

Hmmm... Spiders have hundreds, and sometimes even thousands of babies. Maybe you could adopt the masses (a pun I could not resist) and "cure" them all. You don't eat your young do you?

*smacks forehead*

Of course you don't, otherwise you'd be HAPPY about childhood obesity.

-JR

btw JB ... great work! Would you mind if I throw a link up on my blogroll? My apologies if smacking the spider was out of line. I really don't like them, they creep...

which makes them creepy.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Sheila said...

I've noticed over the years I see more and more obese children everywhere I go. The parents claim they are worried but then they turn around and say what do you want to eat today, mcdonalds? but you had that yesterday... ok lets go get you some. To this I reply what the hell! nice post JB I enjoyed reading it.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Erik Donald France said...

Dear JB,

your post cracked me up -- and God knows we need a good laugh in Detroit ;)

Do you know Trent Vanegas? He's moving to L.A. tomorrow (the pinkisthenewblog dude).

Cheers to your wit!
~~Erik France

3:35 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Happy to put a smile on your face's in my warped and wicked, odd take on news headlines.

Writing for a living is not easy work and must be done with, what is it mother used to say...oh yeah... 'Je Neh Say Qua'[sic] (don't ask me to write French again because that too will be a fraud)

This derivitave of global events is merely a ploy to plant a silly idea that may not seem funny at first but then, and you know you all do it, you find your brain wandering back and you chuckle.

Come by whenever you can and take a dance through my brain and leave me something that shows that you came...ooh..my mother would we livid if she knew I said 'you came' in a public forum.

JB Writergirl

JB

7:06 AM  
Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

This is hysterical, especially the quotes! Love it!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Naomi said...

Good post. Unfortunately childhood obesity is now a major problem both in the States and here in England. In England, they are now suggesting giving babies a special milk formula to stop them getting obese in later life. Getting the parents to feed them a healthier diet would be a better suggestion. I'm visiting from the Gonzo carnival

2:04 PM  
Blogger "The Captain" said...

2006Interesting blog. if Spider63 comments here, it must be a good one.
Jeff

1:45 PM  

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