THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Hints To Ward Off Holiday Stress

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Hints To Ward Off Holiday Stress

Therapists and other mental health workers are preparing for the onslaught of new clients as the holiday season draws closer to being over.

"We get a lot of calls this time of the year from people feeling guilty about spending too much, not spending enough as well as those who wonder why they are spending anything at all," said one Los Angeles analyst whose client list always doubles during the month of December.

Trying to stave off the flood of phone calls from those who become overwhelmed by the holiday season madness, LA County Mental Health officials released new guidelines for releasing stress.

The new brochure, "A Healthy Level Of Insanity", is available at various government offices around the county and includes tips for home, office or where ever you might be when a crisis occurs.

The following are some helpful things to do when you feel the bile of anxiety rise in your throat:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom without disguising your voice.

3. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

4. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

5. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."

6. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

7. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Bottom'.

8. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!"

9. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go."

10. Acquire a taste for Prozac.

Officials do offer a warning however that if none of these above mentioned tactics work, you should immediately seek the help of a professional.

1 Comments:

Blogger Dr. A said...

How about these:

When you go into Taco Bell, tell them to hold the lettuce and onions because you brought your own...

When you go to NYC always ask for extra Trans Fat on the side...

Ask Miss USA how much she'll get paid my Playboy after "the Donald" fires her...

I could go on an on, but I won't...

8:09 AM  

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