THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sperm Donor's Flock To 'Come On' By Bank

Monday, December 04, 2006

Sperm Donor's Flock To 'Come On' By Bank

With unemployment rates at record highs, many people struggle to find ways to earn a few extra bucks during the holiday season.

Inflation rates, which have steadily continued to increase over the years, tends to put a lot of pressure on consumers, especially parents who strive to make Christmas morning a joyous occasion for their tiny little tots.

One company, whose CEO said their marketing campaign this season has significantly increased their potential for growth, is offering a simple way to earn a little income while spread the joy of giving.

"Donating sperm is the perfect way to brighten the season, not only for the donor whose immense pleasure in giving this way will satisfy a number of senses, it will also allow childless couples to experience the 'pitter-patter of little feet' next Christmas."

One donor who stood in a long line this morning to participate said he was more than willing to give and that the added income would go a long way to make his holidays and possibly someone elses more fruitful.

"I've been called a jerk all my life so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to make a few bucks and live up to my reputation."

When asked what steps he took to prepare to donate, he told reporters that he has abstained from any kind of sexual activity for the past week. He said the hot water bottle tucked neatly between his legs was to ensure that his 'little buggers' stayed warm.

"It's best to keep them comfortable because it's a little chilly this morning," he said. "There's nothing worse than reaching down there and having to search for the frightened, cold turtle."

Donor's can expect to wait about half hour in line, but officials say they have provided enough material inside to make the donation process a quick and easy experience.

6 Comments:

Blogger Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

The gift that keeps on giving...

4:59 PM  
Blogger Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. said...

Well, if they're going to do it, at least it can go for procreative purposes. Hard to fault what the Bible mandates!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

All the practice I have been putting in for orgasm for peace day and NOW I FIND OUT I COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING PAID FOR IT????

You could have put this one up a couple of weeks ago. LOL

Later Y'all.....

3:08 AM  
Blogger Michael C said...

What a great gift to give to others. You can give them a card that says you donated in their name... Great post....again!

7:29 AM  
Blogger RogueHistorian said...

Well, I guess that's one way to get a head in life . . . Sorry, terrible joke, I apologize. I will now go beat myself repeatedly. Damnit! I did it again, didn't I?!?

7:54 AM  
Blogger Dr. A said...

Gives Port-O-John whole new meaning....

1:03 PM  

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