THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Sex Offender Available For Dating

Monday, November 06, 2006

Sex Offender Available For Dating

In West Virginia this week a 47-year-old man has been arrested and charged with being stupid.

Christian Paul Dutton, aka 'Bubba', was taken into custody after a police photographer noticed that the suspect was illegally using his sex offender page picture on his MySpace account in hopes of boosting his dating numbers.

"I only used the photo because I thought it was a pretty flattering picture of me," Dutton said. "After being convicted of attempted rape no one wanted to go out with me, not even the young ones, so I thought I'd give this approach a shot."

In a related story another sex offender in Delaware has been ordered by the court to wear a T-shirt while in public that announces that he is unable to control his sexual urges.

The Superior Court Judge Jan Jurden sentenced Russell Teeter, 69, who has a criminal record dating back to 1976 to a short jail term as well.

"If this man cannot keep his pecker in his pants then we feel fair warning should be given to anyone who is in close proximity to him," the judge said.

A local T-shirt company was more than happy to accommodate the court and went one step beyond what was required of the court. They added an audio feature, which turns on when the suspect gets to within three feet of another person.

Set to an old child's rhyming tune, 'This Old Man', representatives from the company said it seemed appropriate for Teeter's new day wear.

The following is what innocent bystanders who come to close to the suspect would hear.

(sung to the tune of 'This Old Man')

This old man
he played a weenie
he rubbed too hard
so it wouldn't look teenie

I'm a dick wacker
Ball sacker
I rub upon on my bone
A jail cell is my special home

2 Comments:

Blogger that frolicsome kid said...

HAHAHHAA! THAT'S HILARIOUS! I can't believe this sex offender here is trying to go on an innocent date with random people!

2:58 PM  
Blogger Kilroy_60 said...

So, that's where the name PeeWee Herman came from!

5:34 PM  

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