THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Elmo Surpasses Bush In Polls

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Elmo Surpasses Bush In Polls

In a recent global poll, many say that they far prefer Tickle Me Elmo over the current President of the United States.

The tiny red doll has managed to survive among other things, tickling, for more than 10 years and has never started anything globally with the except of sudden bursts of laughter.

"I've been probed, thrown, drooled on and tickled in places far too embarrassing to talk about publicly, but through it all I've managed to maintain a certain amount of integrity," Elmo said at a press conference. "Satan on the other hand, cannot be tickled without tickling back."

Elmo was referring to recent comments made by Venezuela's President during the UN conference this week.

"There comes a time when you just have to leave some things alone and see how they work out," Elmo said. "After all, that's why Mattel@ created me in the first place, to teach children to become distracted in the face of adversity and find another way to solve their problems by tickling me rather than slamming my head against the wall."

He told reporters that President Bush is acting just like an ill-tempered child by telling Iran that if they don't do what he tells them to do, they will not be invited to the party but will suffer all kinds of consequences.

"He's acting like a stubborn child who's not getting his way, and he fails to realize that most people do not act kindly to ultimatum's, they just find a way to get even or circumvent the situation by finding new friends who are more than willing to play," Elmo said. "As far as I'm concerned he can kiss my ass."

3 Comments:

Blogger Morgen said...

I can just hear Elmo saying "As far as I'm concerned he can kiss my ass."
Of course, we know that kissing Elmo's ass would just tickle him, and make him giggle and that would make Dubya go all nukyaler on his muppet-butt.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Kilroy_60 said...

I'm continuing to work on the Freak Power Ticket at Fear and Loathing - The Gonzo Papers...it should be an interesting campaign. I'm in negotiations with Elmo to see how we may work together.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

I agree with Morgen, it was fun to imagine those words in Elmo's voice!

And I would have thought Bush wouldn't have been much of a challenge for Elmo.

Thanks for yet another quality laugh, JB! Have a great weekend.

Andrew

5:21 PM  

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