One Funky Job Application...

So I came across this casting call for a new home improvement show for TLC. They're looking for someone charismatic (me), someone quirky (me), someone with a whack sense of humor (me) and someone that's not too hard to look at (well...I wanna think that's me).

And as my wacky mind began to race towards the idea that I could possibly go back to my acting days BC (before children) I knew I had to send them something that would be more befitting of this type of job than a regular blah, blah, blah application.

Hopefully this will get my foot in the door...

HERE IS WHAT I SENT...

If you are looking for someone
Who is one with the hammer
Who can punch in a nail or two

Or who can frame a wall
That's not all that tall
Then you're looking for me
Most of all

I can frame in a room
Where you can hide all your stuff
But when it comes to roofing
I say enough is enough!

I can saw and hang drywall
I can mud and can tape
I can leave the men standing
With their mouths all agape

I can cut in a ceiling
And faux finish a wall
I can make the men sweat
Without moving at all

I can do a little plumbing
With my pants hanging slack
But it's a thong you will see
Where there's usually a crack

Cleavage is a tool
I use to get my way
Cause once you're lookin down it
There are no words to say

I am a woman on a mission
I really want this show
My tools have all been primed
And I'm ready, set to go

If you're looking for beauty
Backed up by braun
A great sense of humor
When a project goes wrong

Or someone who can jest
Tease, joke and cry
Won't you pick up the phone
And give me a try

If you have not stuck your finger
Down your throat as of yet
Pick up the phone and call
And I'll come to the set

I'll bring the hammer
If you bring the nail
I'll buy the coffee...

Oh Hell!!! And they all lived happily ever after...


I figure if this doesn't at least get their attention then it's not the job for me!