THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Fat Is Not Phat Anymore

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Fat Is Not Phat Anymore

With so many people suffering ailments such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and respiratory related illnesses due to obesity, it seems rather unfathomable that certain cultures would choose massive weight gains as a symbol of beauty, health and wealth.

For centuries in Mauritania, women have been force fed camels milk and high caloric foods from an early age in hopes that they will be fat enough to be worthy of a good husband and recognizable status.

One man, whose 200 pound wife began walking to try to shed some pounds, was quoted as saying that "if she did lose the weight he would divorce her".

But government officials, now seeing the devastating results associated with obesity, are growing concerned and have launched a campaign through television and radio to entice more and more women to become slimmer.

"Music and lyrics have always described the ideal woman as fat so we are asking songwriters to help us reverse this by writing lyrics to promote better eating habits and shedding pounds," said one official.

One lyricists so far has come up with a rather catchy tune that the government has said will launch the campaign early next month.

The song goes like this:



Get your fat ass off the couch
My beautiful one
Get your ass to the gym
And yes...have some fun

Your clothes they are splitting
Each time you bend down
On my face you will now see
The hint of a frown

Your skin as it hangs
Under the light of the moon
Makes my balls curl right up
Like a tiny cocoon

The jiggle in your belly
I once thought so cute
Makes me quiver in fear
And eventually puke

So keep your lips tight
As the food passes by
Curl and crunch
And work on your thighs

Do a few lunges
And feel muscles burn
For all of this work
My love you will earn

I will buy you tight clothes
And jewels you can don
I will love you much more
When your flubber is gone

I will buy you a castle
This much you should know
I will love you forever
But your fat has to go

2 Comments:

Blogger Nick Badway said...

Brilliant!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. said...

JB,

Old Teddy likes women of all sizes. But not men - no one is going to make old Teddy gay marry!

Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

8:20 PM  

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