THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Alli Fights Fat

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Alli Fights Fat

Hoping to light the fire under the ass of obesity and to increase idiotic drug sales, the FDA has approved a new nonprescription diet pill.

The fat-blocking weight-loss pill is expected to fly off the shelves, but many experts warn that consumers would benefit more by spending the money on a gym membership or personal trainer.

"Many people will be discouraged when they take the pill home and really take a good look at the medical insert that states that without diet and exercise they will not likely loose weight," said one expert in weight loss. "What they should be putting out there are inexpensive memberships to health clubs rather than filling people will false hope that the pounds will just melt away by popping a pill."

For those putting their trust in these drugs, officials say that users should be cautious because when you block fat from being absorbed into your stomach, you are likely going to crap your brains out or experience some kind of gastrointestinal problems.

One researcher who opposes the FDA's approval of this pill said if a good crap is all you need to lose weight then he suggests finding a local Mexican restaurant within walking distance and enjoying a good bowl of refried beans rather than taking a chance on developing pre-cancerous lesion on your colon.

"This we know is a proven fact and the only side affect may be a little sweating during discharge quickly followed by a sense of colonic relief," he said. "Let's face it, when those beans take affect about halfway home you're going to burn a lot more calories running the rest of the way back."

3 Comments:

Blogger Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Very funny. Another diet I'll pass on.

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

agreed, very funny stuff. can you prevent the side effects? the manufacturer says yes...they have some interesting videos on http://www.myalli.com that explain how it works in the digestive tract.

2:44 PM  
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5:26 PM  

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