THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Farming Ends In California

Friday, February 09, 2007

Farming Ends In California

California is taking drastic steps to prevent another E. coli outbreak caused by locally grown spinach and lettuce by banning farming in the state.

"The State feel it's time to make the move because come Valentines Day we will also likely be accused of getting people knocked up due to the ingestion of locally grown chocolate covered strawberries," said an official. "It's always something!"

State lawmakers have been tossing around several options to offer farmers who, themselves, are fed up with the agricultural restrictions put upon them since the death of three people last year and the sickening of nearly 200 others across the nation who had eaten some of the tainted produce.

"We want to give them an easy out and feel that by offering them job training in other fields so to speak, we will serve not only those looking for a change but will save the state from any more embarrassing moments," the official said.

Instead of digging around in the dirt many farmers are choosing one of the most interesting options being offered that will have others 'digging them while being dirty'. In a first ever agreement, one of the largest all male performance companies, Ship N' Nails have agreed to hire and train more than 1,000 farmers to join their team as part of their global expansion plan.

Although many who chose this new path over option B, to enlist or re-enlist in the service and be on the governments tab, or option C, to become campaigne workers during the upcoming 2008 elections, most say they are not all that worried that the bulk of their day will be spent showing off their zucchini and brussel spouts to screaming sweating patrons.

"For the most part it will be difficult taking a cut in pay but I hope to make up for that in tips," said one farmer who feels that his years of toiling in the dirt have kept him in pretty good shape.

As to health regulations, those participating in this innovative new career choice said they are well versed in health inspectors hanging around constantly because their crops were always being fouled by wild pigs or fat cows so being tested for bodily bacteria will be a walk in the park.

"For once in my life I can honestly say I am looking forward to a new breed of wild pigs."

1 Comments:

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