THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Stress Can Alter Lifestyle

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Stress Can Alter Lifestyle

A newly released study says that stress is not the problem--it's how we handle it.

For millions of people the solution is easy thanks to so many generous pill pushing doctors, but for those willing to suffer through the long haul medication free there are definite steps you can take to avoid going over the edge.

The study suggests that having lots and lots of money can eliminate most peoples problems, even when those stressors involve children. It also suggests that 'having' children is not the problem, it's having children for the rest of your lives that really screws you up.

"Pregnancy is often the most joyous time in a new families life but when the realization finally hits that they will be yours until the day you die the stress begins to build," said one researcher. "Anyone who is prone to stress should do as the drug companies say..take two aspirins and keep away from children."

Another suggestion is move to warmer climates so that you will not be stuck inside your house 24/7 with your family members.

"Unless you have the patience of a saint or a separate wing for unruly tots it is best to live somewhere where you can banish them to the outdoors until they look hungry enough to kill, then you can let them back inside."

It also suggests that colder climates trigger stress because of unexpected financial burdens forced on the general public by ever increasing heating and oil bills. Many people manage to save a little extra for a rainy day but most of the time it is absorbed as quickly as it is saved by these ever increasing costs of living.

One of the most important aspects associated with stress is loneliness. If you are not getting any, many people turn to self satisfaction however, if you are not good at this there is the definite possibility that you can inadvertently alienate your own damn self leaving you with no other course but to go out seeking sexual satisfaction with no strings attached.

Many experts say there are a multitude of ways in which you can eliminate or avoid stress:

1. Hoard your money until you are so stinking rich no bill will affect your daily routine.
2. Exercise or if you are stinking rich, have someone else do it for you.
3. Avoid stressors like children, both yours or other peoples.
4. Quit your mundane boring job.
5. Never look too closely in the mirror until after showering or better yet, have all mirrors removed from your dwelling.
6. Have sex on a regular basis, preferably with a partner.

To see just what stress can do to you, upload a photo and take the age-o-matic test here:

Stress Test

3 Comments:

Blogger COxford said...

JB

If I would have stuck with my hand instead getting married this last time I wouldnt be stressed out by all of these grandkids(?) around the house.

Im to old for this mess.

The Best to You,
CO

5:12 PM  
Blogger MXI said...

I always assumed the way to avoid stress was get rich. But now I'm too stressed trying to get rich, I should have found a box and a cozy street corner and lived stress free.

3:07 PM  
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5:26 PM  

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