THE "NOT-SO" NEWS/JBLA: Seniors Easily Identifiable

Monday, October 02, 2006

Seniors Easily Identifiable

Senior citizens can rejoice as Social Security offices across the nation have unleashed a new means of easily identifying those who qualify for benefits.

According to news reports one applicant who rushed to his local government office to beat a looming application deadline said that he inadvertently left his house without his wallet.

"I looked in my pockets and realized that I had left my wallet at home," he told reporters. "I offered to go home and come back in a couple of hours to show proof of my age but she said that was not necessary."

The woman who was processing the papers got up from her desk and closed the door to her office, then asked the 65-year-old man to remove his shirt.

"I have to admit I was a little dumbfounded by her request but I figured she'd been at this a long time so I did as I was asked hoping that it would save both of us a lot of time."

The man said that after seeing the curly silver hair on his chest she said that that was proof enough of my age, then she picked up her official stamp and pressed it onto the bottom of the form and I was issued my first Social Security check.

When asked by reporters why she used this method the processor told them that she had been doing this a very long time and although people have tried to fool her many times this method has always remained tried and true.

"When you see that line of white hair going down the chest and below the belt it's a good predictor that you are truly looking at a senior citizen."

Proud that he had overcome the wallet snafu the man said he explained to his wife what had happened and how things had worked out just fine but he was surprised that his wife was not thrilled.

"She said that I should have dropped my pants as well because then I would not only have gotten Social Security, I would likely have begun to receive disability checks as well."


Blogger Dr. A said...

Didn't this person used to work in Congressman Mark Foley's office?

Welcome back!

2:32 PM  
Blogger jbwritergirl said...

Yes but I believe they have since moved on as a moderator at Alcoholics Anonymous.

I just can't still my brain for two long and have put off my trip for a few weeks until further tests are completed. So far I have painted my house, my husbands studio, removed all the trees from my back yard, knocked down a concrete sided playhouse I built for my kids and pulled out about two truck loads of a dastardly vines that should have been killed several years ago. Now I am on to constructing three seperate cinderblock walls, which I will then smooth coat texture and paint and will move the sprinkler system. My hands look like shit after all this work but it soothes my soul to stay busy until my trip happens. Thanks for checking in with me. Friends come in mysterious ways.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Pawlie Kokonuts said...

The woman should've just removed her clothes and then stared down his pants. The Relative Lack of Speedy Turgidity Factor (RLSTF) would've been penile proof positive (3P).

8:13 PM  
Blogger Another twentysomething said...

Zing! Good ending line!

1:07 PM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

It will be hard for you to get social security if you continue to wax yer pears! Welcome Back.

Later Yall.....

7:52 PM  
Blogger Erik Donald France said...

Jacqui, I hope your father is okay. I'm just catching up, this is a very funny post; my heart goes out to you, truly.

8:00 PM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

Holy crap, LOL. When I first started reading that I thought it was going to be predictable but I should have known better. Nice one.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

I am a butthole. I am rolling it along. And you got TAGGED.

4:36 AM  
Blogger Dwardisimo Rex said...

Wow, I must have been living under a rock because until now, I haven't heard of this tagging business. WTF?

7:52 AM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Welcome back Jacqui! A great laugh as always.

I hope things are going well with your family.


8:31 AM  

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